Holy Fucking Horseradishes, Old Blog Is Old

Holy fucking shit this is old. I bet I still have all the same problems I whined about on here and more though. Ha.

So do I start writing shit here again? Do I start another new blog(I've done that before, wrote a post or two, then forgot about it) since it's like, this is really old and now I'm doing other stuff but just as badly as the old stuff more or less. Um. Yeah. I'll think about it. (:

yaY!

it's almost tampon time!

excepting i do not use tampons, they feel funny. i just said tampon instead of maxipad b/c of the alliteration of "tampon time". it, sounds cool, uh, to me, for some reason.

this may however simply be a sign of me needing to go back to sleep for a bit.

but i won't because it's almost eight am and i have seven billion things to do today!

yes, that's right. exactly seven billion.

the back to wanting to stab to death my brain again but oh it was seeming like i was having a good run for a mite

urgh. and is this any different from my other postings here?
and is this any different from my other postings here?
and
is
this
any
different
from
my
other
postings
here
?


can i get a hell meh?

- - -

why is up down and down up?

well well technically up and down = up

and um...

i think i broke it
poor brain

the something of a point, however dull or busted off

i have been in somewhat of a good, upbeat, doing and thinking ish
sort of way
a being creative
a allowing myself to be a creative being

however the basis of
or
what seemed to allow
or spur on
this
possibly partially spurious
spurting

would seem to be
staying awake, alot
while
imbibing
caffeine and energy drinks

and i have not much been eating healthily
and probably foolishly lost a job
it wasn't a very helpful job anyway
and it sort of wasn't all my fault

so anyway
why?
why does feeling
like i can be
come
in such an
unhealthy
way?

this is not sustainable

i am so pissed
i want to be more like
this version of me that seems more
to be me
than the do nothing no ambition scared and pissed and lazy version

o.O

these are confusing times

how do i have the good of this me
without being tired and sick feeling and taking in too many shitty chemicals or whatever
one chooses to call caffeine and the stuffs in energy drinks

*sigh*

being somewhat of a dr0k, I am thinking of starting another blog. why another one? hmm. to separate it from the previous pointless drek that has been the main of this one, I suppose. to dedicate it somewhat to a different purpose- a diary of goals and accomplishments more than a chronicle of complaints. This new blog most likely would encompass the purported purposes of all three of the blogs I have previously attempted on this blogspot/blogger account(here I have a music blog, a random miscellany blog, and this personal/diary blog) and/or be incorporated into a larger sort of website, wet paint or somesuch service I imagine... though I may still use blogspot, I am going to look at different free services and website hosting options. should I choose to pursue this with any seriousness.

I hope to populate this new blog/website with engaging content and also hope it can serve as a tool to promote myself and network as an artist, "musician", poet/writer, creative thinker, ? ; and also to promote the ventures of friends and persons/bands/projects/small businesses that I believe worthy of support.

uh, yeah. we'll see where this goes. :D

angry blah, blurgh, meh

i still suck and any idea i've had of how to live is fast eroding.
meh.

ergh.

how do i make me fall in love with me? how do i decide what it is i should be doing and actually commit to doing it? uh. and stuff. my stomach feels funny. maybe it's something to do with breathing. being calm and still and listening inside. or something like that. or maybe it's bacon artichoke cheesecake...
hm. me. who and/or what is me? and how does it become less nuisancy and burdensome? how does it become? uh. how do i become... a real and valid and not irksome sort of person, or something? breathing, listening inside? doing and feeling good about that doing? eating mashed potato pizza at pizza luce? talking to myself too much? drinking too many whiskey 7's?
*worried*

i am painfully and desperately awry.

guh.

m-m-m-motherfucking m-m-m-monkeys

figure i'll be just fine. more or less. somehow or other.

yeah. sure. alright. okay.

:)

um, yeah.
a-aight. is. am. mayhap.

completely fucking losing it. yay.