fuck this shit

i love ppl that don't love me back. that could be  my new tagline, if i were hip enough to have such a thing. that's my life in a nutshell i think. i mean, fuck nutshells, but anyway that's where it's at. there's some ppl right now i know that i would do just about anything for, and seems they barely have interest in...well i dunno, that could be an exxaggeration, but anyhow, ppl like me way less than i like them it seems... i mean there are ppl right now i would fucking do just about anything for and even tho they are def my friends, i think that what they would help me out with and what i will and even mayhap have in some cases, help them out with are on completely different levels. what am i trying to say? i dunno, i have had some whiskey 7's and some beers and well i have thought about this sober so i can assure you this ain't just drunken nonesense, well it's disintegrating. really i guess i could post more on this when i am sober. yep.

life...

another day, another moment desiring a bullet through my fat head...

"lol", that is so fucking negative, eh?

 i am just getting sick of shit... i can't function in this world, it seems like every time i start to get closer to another human, develop some sort of friendship or something... i do something to fuck it up b/c i just don't get ppl. i am thinking i should just give up on having friends for the most part... i dunno... my favoritest ppl i know aren't talking to me like they used to or like i'd like them too or at all... i don't know what i did... i don't know how to fix it...

so this is life, eh? fun times...

hello world

so i have been growing my social life but my academic/creative life is flopping... right now i think i am going to make serious efforts to get everything together... my life in general hasn't been doing well either, though i am happier at some points b/c i have been making friends/hanging out with people whose company i enjoy more often. but i have to get it all together. i can't flunk the class i am taking. i can't ignore my responsibilities, my housework, grocery shopping, and such miscellaneous things that need doing on a regular basis. i have paperwork and other things that i need to get mailed to various places. i need to figure out what to buy my Dad for father's day, it's coming up fast...
I am kind of feeling more alive and engaged... or at least engagable today... with life and things that need to be done...
guess that's all i got to say for the moment. :) life is okay.