when you're young you get sad... and you get high...

I like Ryan Adams. ;) :( A True Tale! and in fact I have rather wanted to listen to Ryan Adams for the past week or so and have been frustrated b/c it's on my external h.d. that is at skool. Aagh! And so I d/led Heartbreaker from emusic even though I have it on said h.d. and I have poked about on the interweb for other of his musics. Yes. Huh.

Emo! Indie Rocker hip songwriter crap! What is wrong with me!!?

kidding. it's indeed good shit and none of the above.

I also am craving cheese.

Last nite I saw Electric 6 and they are very very good.
The previous night I saw Negativland, also very very good.

I like being a weirdo with diverse musical tastes. Trues.

Also purple, milk, digital performer, final cut pro, and max/msp/jitter, and bacon, and whiskey, and flogging molly are all things I am rather fond of.

And my friends. I am happy about pinball and the Cardinals winning the world series b/c I have a buddy that is fond of these things. He kills at pinball. Yup. And he is a good and honest and sweet guy. The kind of people I like, good and honest and sweet, open mind, "warped" sense of humour. Yes. People who are unpretentiously themselves. Indeed. Trues fo' sho'.

Tomorrow the plan is to grab a ten thirty bus to Duluth. But I have concern. For one thing the affording this trip is an issue, my bro is supposed to have made arrangements to be sure I recoup what is spent on bus journey, but if he fails I will have a problem b/c I desperately need them moneys. Ergh. And the other thing is that I haven't done the bus trip to or from Duluth since b4 Mom died, and one of the things that I get all teary eyed about is remember how she always used to see me off at the bus station when I left, she always cried a bit as if I weren't comin' back or something even though of course I were... Yeah... so I am concerned about this making me sad.
And also my bro and his (ex?) girlfriend fight and argue and she is kinda wacko and if we are depending on her as driver to someplace or other, we have to be concerned about her flipping out about something and ditching us wherever and I just dunno if I can deal w/ the stress of it.
So I am actually waffling despite the being on the guest list to see Flogging Molly in Duluth and they are (hopefully probably) dedicating my Mom's favorite FM song to her. Not to mention seeing younger brother whom I haven't spent much time with for a while. Yeah.

Hmm... so we'll see what happens in the a.m. a.m. I guess.

fabulousbiscuits

abysmally uck. more hangover. skinned knee. lost bike locks. that was monday. last nite was not bad i was even home by eleven pm. and not too terribly drunk. but i still haven't eaten properly. the last comprehensive actual meal i had was spaghetti on sunday/monday morning-- yeah it were the wee hours. i went to a friend's place and we drank black 100 that was left over from drinking with ian with orange juice. and he made yummy spaghetti. he also threatened to shoot me but i'll overlook that b/c the spaghetti rocked.

so yeah, sunday was another awesome d.w.i. taping at which i did some decent camera work and had fun. then i got home at like two in the morning and talked to my friend on the telephone and somehow ended up taking the black 100 that i got at the shoot and going to his place. and then i got home again at like maybe 5 and forgot to set my alarm again b/c i'd set it earlier before i left but when i left i unplugged it and when i came back i forgot cuz for some reason i was thinking it was good. so i missed a class which is bad. and on top of that i hit the black 100 again and sent an email to my instructor that probably had a bit much of the drunken cussing about stuff and rambling in it. i have that class again today, and i'll be there. it's in one hour and fourty five minutes. almost am so embarrassed about the dingbat email that i don't wanna go.
click on this magic text to go listen to the most recent composition i made for my electronic music class! Lemme know what y'all think. I am going to get ready for going to class now. I am hungry but don't wanna eat now b/c I know my stomach and bowels will not react well. so I have to wait till I don't got nowhere to go. ergh. l8r awesome interweb.

no new naptime

tailspin vs. upswing.  fatigue, emptiness, loneliness, vs just doing and being and being content with the being and doing- something like that.
angry vs calm
self destructive vs self esteem
mania vs mania
aagh.

 cleaning schoolwork finances breathing

 aagh. saying fuck it and sleeping instead...  *sigh*

breathing?