the back to wanting to stab to death my brain again but oh it was seeming like i was having a good run for a mite

urgh. and is this any different from my other postings here?
and is this any different from my other postings here?
and
is
this
any
different
from
my
other
postings
here
?


can i get a hell meh?

- - -

why is up down and down up?

well well technically up and down = up

and um...

i think i broke it
poor brain

the something of a point, however dull or busted off

i have been in somewhat of a good, upbeat, doing and thinking ish
sort of way
a being creative
a allowing myself to be a creative being

however the basis of
or
what seemed to allow
or spur on
this
possibly partially spurious
spurting

would seem to be
staying awake, alot
while
imbibing
caffeine and energy drinks

and i have not much been eating healthily
and probably foolishly lost a job
it wasn't a very helpful job anyway
and it sort of wasn't all my fault

so anyway
why?
why does feeling
like i can be
come
in such an
unhealthy
way?

this is not sustainable

i am so pissed
i want to be more like
this version of me that seems more
to be me
than the do nothing no ambition scared and pissed and lazy version

o.O

these are confusing times

how do i have the good of this me
without being tired and sick feeling and taking in too many shitty chemicals or whatever
one chooses to call caffeine and the stuffs in energy drinks

*sigh*