getting better, mayhap

that was bleak shite i posted monday. now it's early am wednesday. just a little after midnite. today was a rough day. i didn't do anything really. skipped all 3 of my classes, was feeling sick to my stomach, but also just didn't feel like leaving the house. let myself be chained to the internet, downloading crap, watching ebay and my emails, watching aim...
feeling really aimless and sad and powerless to change what i was doing. i hopped in the shower, ate potatoes, almost went to my evening class(that i have already missed 2 weeks in a row, this is the 3rd), and than felt sick to stomach again and changed my mind. thought about grocery shopping, cleaning, trying some school work, but ended just noodling around on the computer some more... called my Mom, who was tired, got kinda sad about that. felt really sad and powerless. called my brother, talked to him a bit about how i was feeling. it helped, than he had to go. went back in my room, considered cleaning... housemate was on aim from work and i ended up chatting with him. he suggested some exercises that might help. i feel better now.

the exercise i did was to get more in touch with my body and it worked- it was pretty cool, got me feeling all my muscles and everything -- got me aware of my body more than previous.

so i'm not sure how this has helped my problems in my head but i feel better. i feel like i'm starting to work on myself on a deeper level, for reals.

still don't know what to do about anything, still feeling kind of aimless and powerless and uncertain. but i feel less like shit and more like a person.

signing off,

PBM