yeah, I'm listening to Ministry. It's not exactly cheering me up, but I feel better, I guess. Today doesn't seem like a good day to me. I am up to my ears in overdue or due soon assignments and it hurts. I am frustrated and feeling lonely in life and of course "love" or sex or something. Just Blah. And I think I might be coming down with some real minor illness or cold type thing. Blah. Yuck. And I just want to go home and go to bed. The Ministry really is starting to help now actually. Stigmata. Fuckin' love this song, loved it since high school. Enough whining on internet.
It's kind of frustrating, I was feeling happy and energetic for a little while. Awesome new housemate moved in recently, Spark festival was really really great, and school seemed doable. Got some more financial aid money (gotta pay it back though, someday), and am thinking about blowing it on software. All good things it seems. And suddenly this morning/last night kinda, I just kinda crashed. Boom. Just started thinking unhappy depressing thoughts and getting hung up on everything. Now I'm trying to find that excitement and energy again, I kind of need it. To do stuff. Must be excited about the stuff I need to do and learn for school damn it, or it won't get done. Can't just sleep. Nope. I think it'll help my overwhelmedness when I get my computer at home and can do work their instead of having to stay on campus all the time to do stuff. Sucks having to sit around here all night when I could be at home with food and cigarettes and perhaps good company. I didn't used to care so much about chilling at school late nights when it was just my housemate who sleeps all day and works nights and other housemate who I didn't know very well and didn't really have a rapport with... but now I actually have someone cool to hang out with at home... feels more like home kind of... shit... yeah... def. cooler than sitting around by myself anyhows. So now I like being at home. And it does make sense that eventually I'd get sick of just hanging around school near 24-7 so much of the time... blech. Getting my computer, internet, and blowing some dough on some of the software I am into at school will make life better. Won't have my computer till the end of this month though. ...
Random Random babbling... blah.
Glad no-one's reading this shite, I guess. Though it does feel like a waste, but it's good for thought stimulation to write out my thoughts. or something. Self-examination and crap. Woo. Excitement. Except I can't put everything that's going on in my head on the internet, that's a little scary. I should really start keeping a journal. I just have this insistent paranoia about writing down things that should be private, that may embarassing... I mean things deeper and more personal that my yammering on here of course... I'm just too paranoid that someone else might end up reading them. I'm a woefully self-conscious motherfucker.
Anyhow, gotta book back to class...
thanks for reading anybody who may have read this. share your insights about how I may resolve my woe and whatnot if'n you have any ideas. I think I need some drugs. Mushrooms mayhap... ;)
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