I have actually been told twice in the last aprox. 2 weeks that I am verbally intelligent. something like that.
what does that Mean?
hmm.
I went to the store today and bought milk, bacon, cigarettes, and beer. this actually being 3 stores. the cooperative grocery, the liquor market, and the super-america.
I previously quit smoking for aprox. 3 months, or, at least the better part of 3 months. I dived back in for a pack one week when I was beleaguered by sadness and stress, but it didn't stick. The smoking, I mean. At the time, didn't stick. Being beleaguered by sadness and stress is the rule rather than the exception it seems.
and hence, again, smoking.
I guess I don't have anything else to say right now.
More so, I have so much that I could say that it's overwhelming.
I don't want to think about it. I will anyway, but...
hmmm...
these posts all run together, despite it being a rather long time.
this doesn't bode well for me at all, of course
I guess this is why I don't know what else to post.
as ever it is like I am at a crux of some kind, like I have decisions to make about how to live and how to be...
as ever I could try and talk about the things I need to do to change
not sure I know them
the things I need to change
not even sure of those any more
"like playing the mmg... you win a bit and lose a bit, then you start losing but bet higher and higher, b/c you think you're due eventually to win... but instead just keep losing till the meat's all gone"
I still don't know entirely what I meant when I said that.
I owe people all kinds of apologies and don't know what to say.
bleak shit, life.
I'm sick of these games...
--- -- -- ---- --
ah, self-demolishment
*smile*
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