ok. I'm not suicidal. I But I am really stuck. Trying to figure shit out...
what I have found myself pondering is the question of what I have to look forward to, reastically.
though I guess I don't know ... of course, who can see the future after all?
but it seems really bleak.
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what is really eating at me right now is not being to able to handle/form/have/keep close friendships.
well
somewhat more specifically
what do you do when someone who tried to convince you that you were worth their time, their friendship; changes their mind?
I mean, that kind of just affirms the idea that I'm a piece of shit asshole
eh?
it's like 'oh you're right, you really are a fucked up asshole' from someone who was trying to convince me otherwise
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i really don't think i've got too much to look forward to. life is still always interesting enough and full of enough possibility that i wouldn't want to end it... but...
i'm having trouble mustering the... i dunno, wherewithal, whatever, to really explore it and see what i can do with it, life, i mean...
what's the point? everything seems to end in tears... for me, anyway
---
all kinds of awesome people are slogging away doing all manner of fun, creative, and/or meaningful things; through troubles much greater and more real than mine
and of course there are many many others struggling w/ more or less and doing worse as well
it's all relative
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i still have no idea how to accomplish the things i would need to accomplish to really live, o er, or even what those things are.
but does anyone?
time to smoke another cigarette and play some more KoL. :/
how the hell do i deal with this shit?
2 comments:
First of all, stop overanalyzing yourself. Second, don't try to imagine what other people might think. Third, always say what you think unless it hurts someone.
These things might help.
I just visited your myspace ... and now I know you're a woman not a man.
I even wrote a post about you some time ago talking about 'he' and 'his' and you never corrected me!
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