stomach ache and other wounds

so
wednesday morning, got to temp agency on time, got cut b/c they overbooked people for the job they were going to send me out to.
so i returned home and spend most of the day poking through my mp3 collection and throwing together a mix cd for a friend.
feeling cheerful, i nipped into the vodka and of course had too much and fell asleep early w/out even finishing stuff in the online rpg thing I've been playing, KoL, which, when I woke post-rollover, I wasn't too happy about it all, being that it was a stat day so I would have gotten bonus stats for each turn played... uh, basically. And I didn't eat, which gets me additional turns. and I'm in hardcore, which means I really needed those stats and turns, damn it.
er, and now, well, i haven't been able to sleep. i got started thinking about one of the friendships started and then killed through me being a dumbass(something like that, don't want to get into specifics here) and, well, can't sleep. basically. and my stomach is all knotted up, whether it's feeling tense/stressy or that i'm not sleeping when i should be, or from drinking earlier, not really sure, probably combination of all those. so i decided not to go to the temp agency in an hour. been up all night and feel ill and sad.

so back to where i was a couple of days ago.

though i suppose in theory instead of getting pissed at life and myself and letting myself wallow in these frustrations again, i could try and make some good decisions anyway, get some sleep and go apply at Target and JimmyJohns and wherever else occurs to me... maybe actually read the classifieds, they are online.
after all giving up isn't really going to help things, eh?
something like that.

I actually feel pretty defeatist about it, but that attitude isn't going to help so... i dunno, i'm not sure how to stop it though.


ugh, stomach is miserable and so am i.