so i'm feeling kind of blah. work's got me stressed yet, still have my job for now. Actually really screwed up this morning and was 40 minutes late but luckily I work with different people Friday and also wasn't absolutely needed before 9 b/c I was doing camera and they weren't ready to shoot yet anyway. but a close call nonetheless. Now I'm really thinking I can't sleep Sun, Tues, and Thurs nights. Just hang out on campus all night, get some schoolwork done/stay on top of my reading. No big harm in it really I guess... if I actually go home and sleep as soon as I can but I'm no good at that... blah.
In other news, there's this guy I'm fooling around with. We've just kind of decided to be "friends with benefits" 'cuz we're both single and horny. We haven't fooled around much really as we don't have a good location to go(he lives in suburb, I'm off-campus and need to pick up my apartment) and also he's always too busy to hang out.
I like having somebody to fool around with a bit, to touch and be affectionate towards(even if it's not a romantic relationship) and whatnot. Needless to say, I am also not having any moral quandaries about fooling around without being in a romantic or monagamous relationship. But I am just sad and lonely and in a way it hurts to have someone that close but not closer... I don't want a monogamous boyfriend girlfriend sort of thing with him right now, but I'd like more affection and more time together. I really want to be held and cuddled and whatnot... It's intensely frustrating. But the arrangement we originally discussed just involved being friends and also being sexually involved, as time allowed. I already feel that I'm being too demanding pushing him to hang out with me more and wanting more attention from him, he's just too busy- works alot and has a lot of school stuff to keep up with too. what to do, what to do?
Meanwhile, my Mom's having a really tough time of things... life is just going really shitty for her right now... she might lose her job/health insurance next month, is having some other health problems right now besides just the cancer, and has to try and move because living with my alcoholic aunt isn't working well but even though there's finally a spot for her in one of the assisted living complexes she's short the amount she'd need to pay to move in. It's insane. And her dog, they've been together 10 years or so now and she can't bring him with to the assisted living place which is really getting her down. My brother's going to look after him until she's well enough to get another place, she's not giving him up entirely. But it'll hard and she's already gone through so much...
School's not going too badly at least. It could be way better though. Gots ta focus, I do... and get better sleep too.
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