i shouldn't think too much. or something. i am just sick of everything. it seems like noone actually likes me, just sometimes people take pity on me and are nice to me... or maybe just too nice to tell to me to go away. 
 i don't know what to do about it... i don't know why people don't like me, i couldn't explain what's so fucked up about me... people just don't like me. i'm just... probably it's just that i am needy and somehow that seeps out even if i try not to be... i guess i dunno, but ... whatever... maybe this psychologist guy tomorrow will have some insight... or maybe i should just give up on the idea of having friends... but i can't just keep to myself, i can't just not go out and do things... even if i don't do much of anything i find some way to rub people the wrong way...