my eyes hurt...

i guess i haven't updated in a while. not much to say, really. i don't know what's going on. i can't tell if things are getting shittier or better. i don't know if there's any point to anything. i am still extremely fucking lonely and generally unhappy. it seems the unrequited crushes scene is getting worse, though on friendships i guess i am doing better. i fucking hate this heat.

yeah, so, whatever. i dunno. sort of aborting the class it seems, though i am enrolled and still attending for the most part. but today i just ain't going... just fucked. stupid head is aching the heat is making me crazy i am short on sleep and i have no project to turn in... if you're in my class and you're reading this plz ignore that last part...

damn it i am thirsty and filled with rage at everything... argh.

there was a bat in my apartment last night, i thought it was super cute though i didn't want him flying into my head... he would find a spot and hang out for a little bit, then fly around the room 3-4 times then settle down again... then fly around again... he was sitting for a while and i prodded him lightly with a broom handle b/c i had decided to see if i could figure a way to coax him into the kitchen as there is a door to an outside balcony in there, he started flying about again and i wasn't sure what to do next, when the poor guy smacked into a wall and fell... i was worried about him, but had to get him out of there so i threw my sweater over him and carefully carried him and sweater outside, was able to release him and he flew away, so hopefully he is okay.

so about the same as the last post. obviously i am not going to get any better at this shit... life or whatever... silly thing to say, but it seems true. yeah, whatever, just get off your ass and do your schoolwork, your dishes, your cleaning, and all that other shit... it should be that easy, eh? guess i'm just fucking broken... lazy... something...


and i fucking hate couples. i fucking hate seeing ppl hug and cuddle and makeout. it's even worse if it involves someone i kinda have a crush on myself. yeah rub it in assholes... i mean, of course i am happy for others that are happy and experiencing a good relationship, romance, love whatever... esp. my friends. i am just lonely and depressed... i even actually cried when i saw my psychologist yesterday, telling him how seeing a friend and her boyfriend cuddling at a concert made me go outside and almost cry... and i have been avoiding crying at the psych. office, i mean it's gotta happen eventually, but i am still not comfortable enough there really...