i don't understand this shit. i seem to get a little spurt of uh... ambition or hope or something, and start to do stuff. then i don't follow through on whatever i started to get done and go all wonky and depressed again. like, i'm a little scared. not that i'm going to go and die or something. that's just not something i can do, for better or worse. more worried about interpersonal relations, having friends, stuff like that. i am not sure how to explain my worry, or rather don't quite have words. guess it's that i seem to be fumbling and straining the few friendships i have... and i'm scared that i'm just not meant to have friends, that i really can't interact with other people on a deep level... something like that... can't go into it too much now, got to get ready for work.

kicking myself for taking this shift when i would have had the day off, but it's more money and i'm kinda worried that i won't be able to hold down this job for that long so i should get what i can.


don't know what to do... :/