okay. well, yesterday wasn't wasted though I really didn't end up doing any of the things on my to do list.
went to see friend at his 'puter and bike fixing shop, he's working on my sick g4 laptop for me. hung w/ him for a few hours, and we decided to replace the hd for now- my old one has a shit ton of bad sectors. uh. it's toast more or less. he had things to do so I went to the big computer store in the suburbs on my own. :) on my bike. I finally used the greenway(nice bike trails)... 5 miles each way the ride was. It was awesome. I need to ride my bike more and of course, I really need to get to know my way around better. Made me feel good doing that. And maybe strong and self-sufficient and stuff too. Made me want to be healthier and stronger, have a better functioning body.
yeah. so yesterday was alright. Of course I hung around computer store so long that when I finally got back to my friend's shop, he'd had to head home. But I'll bring him the hd today. And I might do my laundry this morning before work, ok, I doubt that. I am thinking I might just drop a ten spot on a pair of khaki's at work (target) since mine have gotten a little dingy. but it's cool that I actually feel like I could do laundry before work. so, action begets action-- the more I do, the more I want to/feel capable of doing.

I'm working on being strong, competent, confident, NOT NEEDY. I have this incredible weird needy streak in me... and it puts people off... and of course means I am wobbly and, er, dependent. something like that. wobbly and dependent is not strong and independent. I'm feeling a mite wobbly now, heh. Trying to comprehend whatever it is I am trying to comprehend. ;) Anyway during the course of some friendly/jestful banter with an online aquaintance, random cute boy kol-er I happened to get into conversation with, ... I'd said something about being mopey/emo and he said emo was out, and when I asked him what was in than, he said "confidence". It wasn't apropos of anything to do w/ me, intentionally, this person barely knows me at all; but it's sat in my head making me think about how I need to more self-confident. Strong and independent. Not needy. I have a friend, who's not really my friend anymore b/c he feels I'm too needy. well, hell, I guess there are a couple people I've lost for that reason. Though one was someone I've known for 3-4 years in "real life" (not just online) and I just saw him the other day and asked about hanging out sometime and confirmed again(already discussed/already knew) that he's not interested in being friends anymore like that b/c I'm "too needy".
I think I might have almost lost my bike/'puter fixing friend for the same sort of reasons. Not really sure but there was a while when we dropped out of touch...

so anyway, not being needy. being confident. being self-sufficient... not needing others to validate my self-worth. uh, stuff to work on. :)
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sometime or other this summer, I am thinking it might be neat to try and take a bike trip all the way to up to Duluth/Superior. Need to look into how that would work and if my bike friend would be interested in joining me. It could be pretty cool. In the meantime, ride more and try and learn more about navigating the city(and surrounding stuff).

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I fucking didn't use my turns up again in kol, on either of my hc runs, nor the hc acct. I'm running for a friend. My softcore accts. have been neglected for a while.
And I guess I really don't care that much about that anymore. I am going to donate for a couple Mr. A's now that I have the cash to do so... but I'm really not sure where my KoL playing is headed. It's still fun, though can be a bummer sometimes cuz of all that's transpired via KoL and changed or been lost. Have entertained the idea of quitting. I guess I still have friends on there. I dunno. I do still enjoy the game, and I still enjoy chatting, playing games, and holding games in /games. *shrug* We'll see where that goes, I guess. Anyone who's wandered over here who doesn't know, KoL is a free online sort of rpg that I have been obsessively playing for a few months kingdomofloathing.com. It's more than a game, there are chat rooms and clans where players can interact, socialize, form communities, ...

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Been thinking about school. needing to explore my options, fix what I can... Should see if I can make an appointment w/ my advisor tomorrow though I guess that could be a mite unnecessarily quicklike. But it might actually be plausible to take 6 credits over the summer. Paying out of pocket. Hmm. *deep breath*
might be more sensible to wait a bit longer and be sure I'm going to be at this job for a bit.

If I decide to stay at this job for a bit. I am planning to apply to work at big computer store in the suburbs, the one I went to yesterday. Figuring I could learn stuff and get a sweet discount on stuff and that would be hella cool. And I already know I can ride my bike out there easily enough. :D
woot. They have an application online, should maybe do that tonite. Have to decide if I want to try and have to jobs, see if I can do one ft and one pt. Though I figure I'd want the 'puter store job as my full time. Hmm.

I need to be careful and not overwhelm myself. Nor get distracted from things that really really imperatively must be done soon, like sorting out my medical assistance/medicare eligibility and filling out paperwork to sort out my financial aid debt....

gah.

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Not really sure what the point of this whole blog is. No-one reads it, and I really wouldn't expect anyone to be that interested in my day-to-day ramblings about either things I'm sad and/or angry about or things I should be doing. lolz. But it's helping my wee lil' brain process I think, and that's good. So why not?