wow, i was a really fun motherfucker last night, wasn't I? good thing noone actually reads this blog. lol. that was a wee bit melodramatic. and could easily be taken the "wrong" way. or something. just being a tad rambledy. a tad maudlin. :) of course I'm just fine. just venting, possibly too much.

aagh. and it was mother's day, i really shoulda been posting about my mom. After all I almost started crying at work the other day cuz someone was buying some silly lil' thing that is something I would have liked to get her. and today just cuz of random customers saying "happy mothers' day".

I's got a bad habit of pushing aside the things I really should be being maudlin about, the real serious stuff, and letting myself get caught up things that really shouldn't be all that important.

I don't know what I would be doing today were Mom alive. probably would've just talked to her on the phone, sent a package or card mayhap. Her b-day is on the 17th, so not sure when I would have/would end up heading to Duluth to hang with her. guess since the 17th is a weekday and chances are I might still be in school then... maybe I would have spent today with her. Maybe woulda gone out to dinner with her and my brother, seen a movie, gone bowling, ... something like that.
played a few scrabble games. :) I really miss playing scrabble with Mom.

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a little more on last nite's posting... it's not really about love or sex, just friendships that seem to maybe have been lost. or not lost even, but changed. it may sound like what I was venting about was a lost opportunity at love or sex or something like that. and well... maybe there is a little of that there too, I guess. But that's not where my frustrations lie. nor is it about being jealous. and it's really kind of mixed up, cuz it's a response to a couple different situations, and being sad and lonely in general. well I'm trying to clarify on the off chance that someone that my rambling actually has some relevance to actually happens to read this stuff. But I guess if they do, they should just talk to me. Ah, and I guess that's a fair chunk of what it is that's got me so up in arms. A simple matter of missing talking to someone. Or, missing having someone to talk to. well that's part of it, anyway.
ha, I make sense. ;)

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bunnyrabbits, satan, cheese, and milk.

till next time...