weird haze daze thing, not so different from often i guess... but melancholy, which i suppose isn't that unusual either. but i have this thing going on, like i am confused and fuzzy-headed(this could lack of sleep also which isn't terribly different from often too) thing going on and i keep feeling like i am going to start crying without any definite and clear cut idea what the damn problem is. though i am sure this is processing what's going on with my mom(see post like 2 down from this one)... which is happening in a confusing way... not even sure it's really happening cuz i kind of have felt more or less fine and haven't given it intense amounts of direct thought, but i get thoughts coming in at me from odd angles about what if she dies, things i haven't shared with her yet that i kind of intended to eventually when i had time- like music she'd like, stuff like that... and things we haven't done together, or haven't done in a while, or haven't done since my brother and i were kids... like camping and fishing...
and i've found myself thinking about what we're going to do with her belongings, and how things are gonna be different if a year from now, she's gone... or like just walking down the hall thinking about how i'll feel different walking down the hall in a year after she's gone(which hopefully won't happen...)
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