EFFEXOR XR: Self-Quiz Results
a test. the above. useless advertisement for some sort of anti-depressent medication. yawn. whatever. i like ice cream. it's especially good at a time like this very moment when i happen to have a dry and rather sore throat. not having such a thing, i will probably end up going out to smoke a cigarette. well... i'll drink some delicious and refreshing public water fountain water prior to that action.
i'm not in near a good as a mood as i might possibly sound, i think often times for me playfulness in doublespeak and nonsense are actually some well... i don't know, am i trying to alleviate tension? amuse myself at the expense of the well being of others' gray matter? have i just gone mad for a fragment in time? have i eaten too little or had too little or too much sleep or too much caffeine or psychotropic or psychoactive drugs of some kind? i'm thirsty. someone bring me some whiskey.
see the problem today is thus, last night i found out that my mother's cancer, which though she had active tumors-they weren't all that large-albeit they were in positions that made it difficult to operate-thusly they had decided not to operate and instead use monthly chemotherapy treatments- but as i was saying they weren't all that large and this is the 2nd time she's combatted the cancer with the previous time having initially been more life threatening- so what i am trying to say is, i-we- were taking it somewhat lightly - we were thoroughly expecting things to be just fine. well things ain't coming along that way. i haven't had a chance to discuss it in depth with her yet(and i am not sure i am ready to do that, see she is very positive and upbeat and tough in facing this, and i don't want to bring her down with my frustration, sadness, and negativity...etc.) but my brother drove down last night from the city of bars and big deep lake that is superior, wi, for the purpose of informing me in person rather then by telephone of these developments. apparently the cancer has moved into her spinal column, and she also has lesions on her liver. they're going to be giving her some other type of chemo that is going to be like five days in a row then some time off... i don't know exactly the scheduling, but it's way more intensive then her previous monthly treatments. and i can't go up there for a couple weeks b/c of school. last 2 weeks or so of the semester. she doesn't want to me to come up till i've seen it through and passed my classes.
of course the next problem is what to do next semester, well that isn't even the next problem really, there's some i'm leaving out, as well as the matter of my lack of funds for january's rent... i haven't been working, just kinda scraping by on financial aid, loans from my dad, and donating plasma. i wasn't paying attention the plasma donatin' place's schedule and was counting on selling some plasma over the next couple weeks, only to find out they are closed till the thirteenth. so i'm possibly fucked for getting rent for january. though when next semester starts halfway into the month i'll get my financial aid disbursement and then things will be cool... but i have already borrowed so much from Dad he probably can't afford to loan me even more against that... and i have to get up to duluth as soon as school's over, damn it. i'm sure i'll figure it out.
then next semester-- want to go stay in duluth and be near Mom, but that would totally play havoc with school and finances. For the moment the sort of solution is that i have structured my class schedule for next semester to be all tu-th w/ no mon or fri classes so i have long weekends to visit. since i don't drive, i have to save dough to bus there @ forty some bux a (round)trip. hopefully if i manage my financial aid well and can fit in part time job, it'll work out.
on a good note, it seems if i can just keep myself together and apply myself to my final proj/assignments/exams in my classes, I'll at least pass all of them. Being a crappy student currently on academic probation, that feels like an accomplishment. and if i can work it in to my schedule i think i will have a pt time job that i will enjoy and learn important stuff doing-- being a studio b tech/aide, dunno exact job title... studio b is the video production studio on campus, i think the main of it's use is by students in different video related classes... anyway it's a good chance to learn alot more about video production- hands on! and get paid! woo hoo!
i haven't eaten anything but three large cookies(yummy and free at one of the art and commitment symposium events, which is being fun, enlightening, and stuff...) today so i should go make myself one of the packets of easy mac in my locker.
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