4.25.2006

archeology and melancholy

 it's weird how some, many, of my things here at home, hell sort of even my home, feel like artifacts leftover from another life. it seems like i might have to restructure everything to get comfortable here again. 
  it seems like alot of the same music i don't even feel like listening to any more. not right now anyway, not as much as maybe before. that's just sometimes. sometimes i have to listen to something different. i am trying out Ryan Adams and also Whiskeytown right now. 

 I have to try and get my shit together with school. haven't even gone to campus yet, while i did just get back here sunday night. i might go to a couple classes today, definitely am going to campus. might even hang out at the electronic music studio and work on some stuff for a class.
 dunno though, school might feel weird too. i'm nervous again, like for some reason going to familiar campus after such a radical change in my life is going to fuck with my head. i don't get it but i definitely feel it. then again maybe i'm letting myself get carried away b/c it gives me an excuse to avoid responsibility. 

  i think my main goals right now are just to meditate every day and get some exercise every day- probably just walking, but gots to be doing somesuch... 

  i haven't been smoking but i am waffling, not
fully committed 'cuz of liking to smoke. and i haven't been tested yet by being around smokers alot or going to shows/bars... 

   okay... i should go now. not taking up too much time messing about online/with computer is also something i am trying to do right now. i have a hardcore internet problem it seems... let it suck away way too much of my time... ;)

-- PBM -- 
out

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