i need a dentist i need psychological help i keep f*cking up my own head and crying to people to help me fix it. i guess. but there is all manner of perfectly good reasons for my head to be broken... but do i really need someone else to tell me i should take a few deep breaths and relax, try some medition exercise or somesuch? I can figure out that maybe I should do that, right? but it still helps to have some one else care enough to listen to my frustrations and give me ideas for sorting them out, even if i could perhaps figure it out myself.
and Mom's gone. keep reminding myself i'm never going to see her again.
all this crap in my head to sort out and i keep having to remind myself of this too... and i don't know what this latest has broken and what was already broken or if i am just obsessed with being broken because i want someone to rescue me. and maybe i am just fine. but my head hurts and i feel neurotic and want a cigarette but i quit and it wouldn't maybe help would just make cough.
my friend who's been putting up with my rants and calming me down suddenly doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore.
i tried calling one of my closest friends from way back and he doesn't even seem interested in asking what's been going on. and i don't know what to do because he's got all sorts of problems of his own to deal with.
my brother is too entangled with his girlfriend to be of any use.
my other real close friend is across the damn country and is super hard to get ahold of.
i do have another good local friend but she too has a lot of issues of her own.
so i guess i just have to take care of myself or something. it's not that i don't know what i should do, it just feels better if someone will talk to me about it and make a suggestion like they give a damn.
it's probably better if i just stand on my own.
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