greetings good eve and merry holiday season,
i don't have much to say. my semester is done with and it was painful and i feel rather like i got hit by a large motor vehicle of some kind or run over by a large mammal.... something of that sort. just went way too damn fast and i needed to do better... yeah. too much crap, crap, crap. hopefully i will be a better person next semester... better student... better artist... and shit. yep.
thnx for reading my end of semester whining. hope you are pleasurably spending holiday time and having fun.
bye!
12.24.2005
11.18.2005
making time for dentistry
My tooth is finally going to pieces! this it not good. I have had a cracked front tooth for a little over a year now, been meaning to get it taken care of... had bad luck with a couple of dentists, didn't have dental insurance,... have had dental insurance for at least 6 months now but just been too busy. Now I have to take care of it a.s.a.p. cuz part of it just finally fell out. and the rest will follow any damned minute to be sure. lovely. I have to work tomorrow from 8-1:00 on a shoot, I will be behind a video camera. I have barely eaten because I am nervous about tooth. I have not slept because of the whole worried about not making it to work on time so staying on campus instead thing I've been doing worknights. That and fear that if I slept I'd roll around and the very very ready to detach bit of tooth that's left would get knocked out. Well than I'd still have some tooth, just a little stub in my gum with the rest all busted off. Yay. Probably better, right now it's a big portion of the front/veneer that's come off. I don't know how the bit that's still there is staying on. Shouldn't jinx it.
I have super bad teeth also, so hopefully after I get this fixed I will find some goddamn time to get 'em all cleaned and get my terrible cavities patched up.
Birthday in 2 days. Send $$.
I have super bad teeth also, so hopefully after I get this fixed I will find some goddamn time to get 'em all cleaned and get my terrible cavities patched up.
Birthday in 2 days. Send $$.
11.09.2005
the sun was born, and it shall die...
Further
by Vnv Nation
album: Burning Empires (EP) (2000)
At the end of days
At the end of time
When the sun burns out will any of this matter?
Who will be there to remember who we were?
Who will be there to know that any of this had meaning for us?
And in retrospect I'll say we've done no wrong
Who are we to judge what's right and what has purpose for us?
With designs upon ourselves to do no wrong,
Running wild unaware of what might come of us
The sun was born and so it shall die
So only shadows comfort me
I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me
Each day shall end as it begins
And though you're far away from me
I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me
Without a thought I will see everything eternal
Forget that once we were just dust from heavens far
As we were forged to shall return, perhaps some day
I will remember us and wonder who we were
The sun was born and so it shall die
So only shadows comfort me
I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me
Each day shall end as it begins
And though you're far away from me
I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me
--
i feel like something's breaking, again, today, and i have no idea why.
i don't think the whole "fuck-buddy" thing made reference to in previous posts is working, even though it's working fine. i think i just need something different from what i'm getting out of this... but i have no outlet for what i think i may need, and this seems to be the closest i can get... i guess.
argh.
by Vnv Nation
album: Burning Empires (EP) (2000)
At the end of days
At the end of time
When the sun burns out will any of this matter?
Who will be there to remember who we were?
Who will be there to know that any of this had meaning for us?
And in retrospect I'll say we've done no wrong
Who are we to judge what's right and what has purpose for us?
With designs upon ourselves to do no wrong,
Running wild unaware of what might come of us
The sun was born and so it shall die
So only shadows comfort me
I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me
Each day shall end as it begins
And though you're far away from me
I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me
Without a thought I will see everything eternal
Forget that once we were just dust from heavens far
As we were forged to shall return, perhaps some day
I will remember us and wonder who we were
The sun was born and so it shall die
So only shadows comfort me
I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me
Each day shall end as it begins
And though you're far away from me
I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me
--
i feel like something's breaking, again, today, and i have no idea why.
i don't think the whole "fuck-buddy" thing made reference to in previous posts is working, even though it's working fine. i think i just need something different from what i'm getting out of this... but i have no outlet for what i think i may need, and this seems to be the closest i can get... i guess.
argh.
11.08.2005
*yawn*yawn*yawn*yawn*yawn*
man, and i thought i was tired those other days! wooh. i have not had the sleep since sunday early afternoon when i slept till 1 p.m. cuz i knew i'd be up all night sunday night. but monday night, predict did i not. nay. i have had ever so many of the skool work assignments and needed to complete and some of them are rather overdue. i developed photographs yesterday and also had on friday night though was also tired and sleepless than. not as much as now though. By the by, there are 2 pix i took at the last DwI taping over in my myspace pictures section... that would be my Random acct. I also now have a musics myspace as Yertl B. McNugget. where I am sticking my maniacal little sound collage like thingeys I have made for electronic music assignments up. Just one there so far, myspace is being wonky so I ain't been able to upload the one that I have been up for the last 2 nights working on. It might happen someday that other things will go up there also or something. yep. very very exciting!
did i mention i am tired? i have a need to catch a bus to my bed and blankeys!
did i mention i am tired? i have a need to catch a bus to my bed and blankeys!
10.28.2005
*yawn* mp3 for you to try
i have started another blog, a music blog. click this spot, yo
that is it. i am right now having polysics and aburadako at my blog. yay blog! yay polysics! yay aburadako! go check it out!
that is it. i am right now having polysics and aburadako at my blog. yay blog! yay polysics! yay aburadako! go check it out!
once upon a time there was a girl who got no sleep...
halloween mash-ups! mp3's! you have till monday to download and listen to these!
in other news, i have a headache, am thirsty, and quite sleepy. Hey, it's 5:32 in the morning.
ooh> big news>
the Walker Art Center are showing all 5 movies in Mathew Barney's Cremaster Cycle this weekend!
schedule:
Cremaster 1
Friday, October 28 8:00 pm
Cremaster 2
Saturday, October 29 3:00 pm
Cremaster 3
Saturday, October 29 7:00 pm
Cremaster 4
Sunday, October 30 2:00 pm
Cremaster 5
Sunday, October 30 4:00 pm
yay!
testing something new and exciting
is there music there? is there? i hope this works!
i'm listening to Tori Amos right now, but that has naught at all to do with whatever's up above this text. am clicking publish now with fingers cross-ed.
10.26.2005
bastard pantsu
good morning internet!
i am thirsty!
i am not dressing up for halloween, being a zero fun lame-o dufus or somesuch.
i am having such a terrible quandary about my weekend.
3 of my favoritest local bands and also some other bands i kind of like and one i have been wanting to check
out for a long time now that is not local
are all playing
in different venues
on the same day, saturday 10/29
1. Belles of Skin City, Mel Gibson and the Pants, Digitata, and 1 more
at the Nomad World Pub(linx in sidebar!)
2. Savage Aural Hotbed at the Cedar Cultural Center(Cedar in sidebar, need to add SAH link)
3. STNNNG and some others at the Whole in Coffman Union(linx-sidebar)
4. Garmonbozia, and some other bands most of which I saw one other time and super enjoyed, at the 7th Street Entry.
Benefit for Arise! bookstore(I should find site and link). there is an earlier aa show also but Garmonbozia is only playing the late show, and I have been meaning to
check 'em out for a long time.
At the moment I am thinking that my intentions are, if financially feasible, to attend early Entry show, than bounce
back and forth between Nomad and Cedar as they are across street from eachother.
I will see STNNNG next month. LUNCH SHOW! YEAH!
I am sure Garmonbozia will be here again, they seem to pass through very often.
Now that I have began to organize my saturday, I shall go back to wishing for cold water. I can't actually get cold water
b/c I am at the U in a computer lab where I am not exactly supposed to be at this hour, so I don't wanna venture out just yet. Must wait till official opening time in
aproximately one hour.
I don't know that there is anything I can do about wanting cheesecake today.
I bave been being on time for work this week by dint of doing this staying up all nite shite. if it works, it works. i
need my job. and it is extra time to work on skool work and art prj for art classes and such. except that i am usually to foggy sleepy impatient and such to do that.
like, i have a prj due this very afternoon,
which i have not completed despite sitting up all nite at computer where i could work on it.
i am ever so irresponsible. very very. sometimes. altogether too often.
Enough babble for one day. or at least for now at early a.m. time. it is entirely possible i will get wordy on my internet
bloggy later in day.
i have too much internet now. am trying to explore myspace further, have another blog, trying to establish webpage, online
presence at mnartists.org (i think that's the site... need look up and link...), also have suicide girls acct., they got forums and bloggy/journal space too. and i
have a livejournal but i have never really used it since signing up. and also i have a second blog here i have been neglecting. and of course being random weirdo
at tcpunk.com, mostly tho i lately have been lurking, seems not many notice when i post there anyhow...
aagh. aagh. aagh.
NP:
10.24.2005
pass the soap, sing a song
--------my life is now a soap opera---------
who'd a' thunk such things would happen to me? ;)
who'd a' thunk such things would happen to me? ;)
not bad
so, some fooling around with the boy today, mentioned him in prior post. he's a real sweetheart. i'm feeling pretty happy, though a little nervous that he might somehow be less into it than I... but I think we're pretty much on the same page...
the problem with me is that I am kind of confused about what I want out of it... I don't really want a full fledged gung ho romantic committed relationship. But I like the guy. I want the guy to like me. At the moment, I think it's good. Really, I'm grinning ear to ear, but am still a little paranoid that maybe he's dissatisfied somehow or something... yeah.
I am not sure why I feel compelled to let the whole internet know this, especially considering I am not even all that anonymous here ...
Dorkus Dumbassus, yeah.
oh well, boy doesn't know about my blog yet. not all that many people do. so it's okay... might as well just piss it all out in the vast anonymous pool of the internet... (chlorine? whatever...)
(does this metaphor suck? hmm.)
--
of course I am still broken-hearted over the crush of 2 years that ain't interested in me. aagh. but then, the boy I'm foolin' with now and I aren't a serious item... we're going to move on at some point. hopefully he'll find a woman that will really appreciate him...
see neither of us are necessarily that attractive, though honestly i think he is(now that I know him, and before I knew him I didn't make a judgement, I actually do care more about what a person's like and value whole selves over mere appearances)...
and apparently he thinks I am too or we wouldn't be messing about...
i dunno. he's been single for a while, and laments not being appreciated as he deserves b/c he ain't hot and people pay more attention to looks than personality... of course, I agree. Hopefully we can help eachother a bit.
--
ah internet, here I go telling you all my secrets...
the problem with me is that I am kind of confused about what I want out of it... I don't really want a full fledged gung ho romantic committed relationship. But I like the guy. I want the guy to like me. At the moment, I think it's good. Really, I'm grinning ear to ear, but am still a little paranoid that maybe he's dissatisfied somehow or something... yeah.
I am not sure why I feel compelled to let the whole internet know this, especially considering I am not even all that anonymous here ...
Dorkus Dumbassus, yeah.
oh well, boy doesn't know about my blog yet. not all that many people do. so it's okay... might as well just piss it all out in the vast anonymous pool of the internet... (chlorine? whatever...)
(does this metaphor suck? hmm.)
--
of course I am still broken-hearted over the crush of 2 years that ain't interested in me. aagh. but then, the boy I'm foolin' with now and I aren't a serious item... we're going to move on at some point. hopefully he'll find a woman that will really appreciate him...
see neither of us are necessarily that attractive, though honestly i think he is(now that I know him, and before I knew him I didn't make a judgement, I actually do care more about what a person's like and value whole selves over mere appearances)...
and apparently he thinks I am too or we wouldn't be messing about...
i dunno. he's been single for a while, and laments not being appreciated as he deserves b/c he ain't hot and people pay more attention to looks than personality... of course, I agree. Hopefully we can help eachother a bit.
--
ah internet, here I go telling you all my secrets...
10.21.2005
dunno...whatever
so i'm feeling kind of blah. work's got me stressed yet, still have my job for now. Actually really screwed up this morning and was 40 minutes late but luckily I work with different people Friday and also wasn't absolutely needed before 9 b/c I was doing camera and they weren't ready to shoot yet anyway. but a close call nonetheless. Now I'm really thinking I can't sleep Sun, Tues, and Thurs nights. Just hang out on campus all night, get some schoolwork done/stay on top of my reading. No big harm in it really I guess... if I actually go home and sleep as soon as I can but I'm no good at that... blah.
In other news, there's this guy I'm fooling around with. We've just kind of decided to be "friends with benefits" 'cuz we're both single and horny. We haven't fooled around much really as we don't have a good location to go(he lives in suburb, I'm off-campus and need to pick up my apartment) and also he's always too busy to hang out.
I like having somebody to fool around with a bit, to touch and be affectionate towards(even if it's not a romantic relationship) and whatnot. Needless to say, I am also not having any moral quandaries about fooling around without being in a romantic or monagamous relationship. But I am just sad and lonely and in a way it hurts to have someone that close but not closer... I don't want a monogamous boyfriend girlfriend sort of thing with him right now, but I'd like more affection and more time together. I really want to be held and cuddled and whatnot... It's intensely frustrating. But the arrangement we originally discussed just involved being friends and also being sexually involved, as time allowed. I already feel that I'm being too demanding pushing him to hang out with me more and wanting more attention from him, he's just too busy- works alot and has a lot of school stuff to keep up with too. what to do, what to do?
Meanwhile, my Mom's having a really tough time of things... life is just going really shitty for her right now... she might lose her job/health insurance next month, is having some other health problems right now besides just the cancer, and has to try and move because living with my alcoholic aunt isn't working well but even though there's finally a spot for her in one of the assisted living complexes she's short the amount she'd need to pay to move in. It's insane. And her dog, they've been together 10 years or so now and she can't bring him with to the assisted living place which is really getting her down. My brother's going to look after him until she's well enough to get another place, she's not giving him up entirely. But it'll hard and she's already gone through so much...
School's not going too badly at least. It could be way better though. Gots ta focus, I do... and get better sleep too.
In other news, there's this guy I'm fooling around with. We've just kind of decided to be "friends with benefits" 'cuz we're both single and horny. We haven't fooled around much really as we don't have a good location to go(he lives in suburb, I'm off-campus and need to pick up my apartment) and also he's always too busy to hang out.
I like having somebody to fool around with a bit, to touch and be affectionate towards(even if it's not a romantic relationship) and whatnot. Needless to say, I am also not having any moral quandaries about fooling around without being in a romantic or monagamous relationship. But I am just sad and lonely and in a way it hurts to have someone that close but not closer... I don't want a monogamous boyfriend girlfriend sort of thing with him right now, but I'd like more affection and more time together. I really want to be held and cuddled and whatnot... It's intensely frustrating. But the arrangement we originally discussed just involved being friends and also being sexually involved, as time allowed. I already feel that I'm being too demanding pushing him to hang out with me more and wanting more attention from him, he's just too busy- works alot and has a lot of school stuff to keep up with too. what to do, what to do?
Meanwhile, my Mom's having a really tough time of things... life is just going really shitty for her right now... she might lose her job/health insurance next month, is having some other health problems right now besides just the cancer, and has to try and move because living with my alcoholic aunt isn't working well but even though there's finally a spot for her in one of the assisted living complexes she's short the amount she'd need to pay to move in. It's insane. And her dog, they've been together 10 years or so now and she can't bring him with to the assisted living place which is really getting her down. My brother's going to look after him until she's well enough to get another place, she's not giving him up entirely. But it'll hard and she's already gone through so much...
School's not going too badly at least. It could be way better though. Gots ta focus, I do... and get better sleep too.
10.19.2005
greasy octopus love
i need a shower! i'm still on campus! what's wrong with me? ...i like sleep deprivation, but i am hungry.
anyway, been working on organizing mp3 collection and started listening to aburadako again... "greasy octopus"
if'n i knew how to put an mp3 up here... dang it. good stuff!
anyway, been working on organizing mp3 collection and started listening to aburadako again... "greasy octopus"
if'n i knew how to put an mp3 up here... dang it. good stuff!
yay. more miscellaneous problems to have nervous breakdown over.
gee, when am i gonna have something pleasant and happy to post here? well, i'm excited about working on secondary webpage for links, and may work on getting more shite plastered onto interweb hither and thither...
so, i'm terrified of going to work this morning. it's 3:45. i work at 8. this is a.m.
see, i am sitting up all nite in a u of mn computer lab b/c if i go home and sleep, i'll probably be late for work. i have been late for work the majority of mornings(m & w) since the beginning of semester. am on the verge of getting fired. i am part of tech support in u of mn's video production studio(s) in the theatre dept. the instructor of the class which i provide tech support on m and w mornings is quite irritated with my chronic tardiness and has tried talking to the guy in charge of the studios about firing me... luckily i have kept at least somewhat on top of talking to guy in charge myself and assuring him i do not intend to make a habit of this tardiness... so he's giving me one more chance, i guess. if i piss off the instructor of class i do tech support for again, i will likely be terminated entirely from the studio crew. i don't take the tardiness lightly, i'm not being late on purpose, it's very frustrating. it just seems like the gods like throwing stones in my path or something. of course, if i don't take control of my destiny instead of blaming it on bad luck, i guess i'm fucked. i dunno... but it seems that no matter how much i try to make it on time, something happens. i have diarrhea, get a nosebleed, take too long in the shower, get stuck waiting for a roommate to get out of the bathroom, can't find my keys/clean socks/some other important thing... aagh. and now i am scared that even if i am totally on time, the instructor is going to tell me to get lost and i'll get fired... or something... i am scared! even more frustrating is the fact that i really like the guy! of course, he basically likes me too... we kind of have a rapport, but he can't tolerate the unprofessionalism of my constant tardiness.
and of course i love my job!
so now i don't know what the heck to do. my boss gave me a chance to just withdraw from the shift when my tardiness first became an issue and i chose to try and stick it out and actually did show up on time for a couple weeks... but now shite's going all wonky again. if i'd given better excuses when it first came up, or asked to drop the shift, i might not be on the verge of getting fired. and now it probably looks terrible to start whining about all the stress i'm under and chronic stomach woes and whatnot... but i couldn't help it, i ended up sending an email whining about such things(tho hopefully not in too whiney of a tone... just over-explanatory i suppose) to my boss anyhow... and stressing how much i value and love my job there. jeez... i swear i stopped just short of telling him he'd be responsible for my nervous breakdown if he fired me :( ... ;) well, i don't think it was quite that bad...
i really don't want to lose this shift either, in addition to liking working with the instructor and enjoying his class, i really like my coworkers on that shift ... crappity crap...
so, i'm terrified of going to work this morning. it's 3:45. i work at 8. this is a.m.
see, i am sitting up all nite in a u of mn computer lab b/c if i go home and sleep, i'll probably be late for work. i have been late for work the majority of mornings(m & w) since the beginning of semester. am on the verge of getting fired. i am part of tech support in u of mn's video production studio(s) in the theatre dept. the instructor of the class which i provide tech support on m and w mornings is quite irritated with my chronic tardiness and has tried talking to the guy in charge of the studios about firing me... luckily i have kept at least somewhat on top of talking to guy in charge myself and assuring him i do not intend to make a habit of this tardiness... so he's giving me one more chance, i guess. if i piss off the instructor of class i do tech support for again, i will likely be terminated entirely from the studio crew. i don't take the tardiness lightly, i'm not being late on purpose, it's very frustrating. it just seems like the gods like throwing stones in my path or something. of course, if i don't take control of my destiny instead of blaming it on bad luck, i guess i'm fucked. i dunno... but it seems that no matter how much i try to make it on time, something happens. i have diarrhea, get a nosebleed, take too long in the shower, get stuck waiting for a roommate to get out of the bathroom, can't find my keys/clean socks/some other important thing... aagh. and now i am scared that even if i am totally on time, the instructor is going to tell me to get lost and i'll get fired... or something... i am scared! even more frustrating is the fact that i really like the guy! of course, he basically likes me too... we kind of have a rapport, but he can't tolerate the unprofessionalism of my constant tardiness.
and of course i love my job!
so now i don't know what the heck to do. my boss gave me a chance to just withdraw from the shift when my tardiness first became an issue and i chose to try and stick it out and actually did show up on time for a couple weeks... but now shite's going all wonky again. if i'd given better excuses when it first came up, or asked to drop the shift, i might not be on the verge of getting fired. and now it probably looks terrible to start whining about all the stress i'm under and chronic stomach woes and whatnot... but i couldn't help it, i ended up sending an email whining about such things(tho hopefully not in too whiney of a tone... just over-explanatory i suppose) to my boss anyhow... and stressing how much i value and love my job there. jeez... i swear i stopped just short of telling him he'd be responsible for my nervous breakdown if he fired me :( ... ;) well, i don't think it was quite that bad...
i really don't want to lose this shift either, in addition to liking working with the instructor and enjoying his class, i really like my coworkers on that shift ... crappity crap...
10.15.2005
links are going up, being organized
Hi! This is some news! I am trying to comprehensively toss on links to all manner of places of great excitement on our lovely interweb that I suggest you visit! Some of these links are to sites featuring places or things you can visit in person in the lovely area known as Twin Cities and hereabouts! Do look at these links and go to these websites! Thee interweb is a magical place and I am trying to assist in your exploration! Go forth and explore!
9.29.2005
even more whining and frustration and such
tired and depressed, tired and depressed, tired and depressed. woo.
and i think maybe i'm an asshole. or at least some sort of idiot.
i need more sleep. i need more time.
aagh. i should go try and eke out some school work. but i just feel like slamming my head in a door a few times or cutting
myself or lighting some part of myself on fire.
i'll be fine. i'm just f*cking tired and overwhelmed.
and i think maybe i'm an asshole. or at least some sort of idiot.
i need more sleep. i need more time.
aagh. i should go try and eke out some school work. but i just feel like slamming my head in a door a few times or cutting
myself or lighting some part of myself on fire.
i'll be fine. i'm just f*cking tired and overwhelmed.
9.17.2005
sigh. life and shit. woo.
(some of this is actually reposted from a post at another bloggy sort of locale)
Hi. been awhile. didn't have much internet access o'er the summer. now back in school.
Mom's tumor wasn't breast cancer, what'd happened was the ovarian had metasticized and spread to her breast. They did a lumpectomy and removed it and now Mom's doing a more intense sort of chemo. She's having a ct scan this week, then we'll know how well it's been working. Meanwhile she has to move into an assisted living arrangement b/c my aunt who she was staying with(paying rent, more than her room was worth really) and was supposed to be helping her out is kind of a drunk... and it's not working out. So she has to send her beloved dog to stay with my brother and cough up $$ she can't afford to pay for the rent there...
Back in school. seventeen credits. aaagh. cool classes. Electronic Music, Advanced Time Arts: Video, Photography, Grantwriting, and a Japanese History class. Lots to do. Hard to keep up.
we'll see if i keep the blog going... i dunno.
all depressed and busy and shit... who's got time for internet?
Hi. been awhile. didn't have much internet access o'er the summer. now back in school.
Mom's tumor wasn't breast cancer, what'd happened was the ovarian had metasticized and spread to her breast. They did a lumpectomy and removed it and now Mom's doing a more intense sort of chemo. She's having a ct scan this week, then we'll know how well it's been working. Meanwhile she has to move into an assisted living arrangement b/c my aunt who she was staying with(paying rent, more than her room was worth really) and was supposed to be helping her out is kind of a drunk... and it's not working out. So she has to send her beloved dog to stay with my brother and cough up $$ she can't afford to pay for the rent there...
Back in school. seventeen credits. aaagh. cool classes. Electronic Music, Advanced Time Arts: Video, Photography, Grantwriting, and a Japanese History class. Lots to do. Hard to keep up.
we'll see if i keep the blog going... i dunno.
all depressed and busy and shit... who's got time for internet?
8.15.2005
wshng4whsky
hi!
we went to the Irish Fair and had an excellent time. The members of Flogging Molly are very sweet people! We hung out backstage during the show. I shot alot of video of it though I think the sound was shit 'cuz I didn't have a good mic and it would'n'a mattered as I was up too close to the speaker and I think it was probably almost always in the red.
They played an excellent set as usual. Dedicated a song to my Mom, made her cry.
She's gonna start working on a piece about her Flogging Molly related experiences and such. Not sure exactly what she plans to write exactly yet, but I think she is going to try and get the piece published when she's done. I think she'll do a great job. Can't wait.
We made it back to Duluth alright. That's where I am sitting now. It's chilly tonite!
we went to the Irish Fair and had an excellent time. The members of Flogging Molly are very sweet people! We hung out backstage during the show. I shot alot of video of it though I think the sound was shit 'cuz I didn't have a good mic and it would'n'a mattered as I was up too close to the speaker and I think it was probably almost always in the red.
They played an excellent set as usual. Dedicated a song to my Mom, made her cry.
She's gonna start working on a piece about her Flogging Molly related experiences and such. Not sure exactly what she plans to write exactly yet, but I think she is going to try and get the piece published when she's done. I think she'll do a great job. Can't wait.
We made it back to Duluth alright. That's where I am sitting now. It's chilly tonite!
8.09.2005
woo woo woo waa
trees are green and so am i...
it rained just this morn, early and just stopped... grass and trees and everything damp and dripping.
hopefully today won't be too hot again.
sometimes i think something must be broken
of course, most things seem to be around here
but am i?
hmm... is it me or the world? a little of one a little more of the other i suppose.
i suddenly crave something sweet.
i am looking forward greatly to the mn state fair.
this weekend! Friday! Harriet Island! Irish Heritage Fair! FLOGGING MOLLY!
and Mom might not be up to going cuz we need to find a ride home(Duluth,MN) -- she don't got the stamina for sitting on a bus for several hours.
and we're not sure how we're getting to the cities from Duluth either, but there are many possibilities on the table for that.
once we're in the cities, dunno quite how we're getting to downtown st. paul-- city bus, most likely... but we won't be heading home till sometime late at night...
cab, probably.
gonna see Flogging Molly though! hopefully have a pint or 2 or some whiskey w/ Dave and Bridget and Dennis and the rest!! Good times! :)
must go forth from the computer and find breakfast!!
it rained just this morn, early and just stopped... grass and trees and everything damp and dripping.
hopefully today won't be too hot again.
sometimes i think something must be broken
of course, most things seem to be around here
but am i?
hmm... is it me or the world? a little of one a little more of the other i suppose.
i suddenly crave something sweet.
i am looking forward greatly to the mn state fair.
this weekend! Friday! Harriet Island! Irish Heritage Fair! FLOGGING MOLLY!
and Mom might not be up to going cuz we need to find a ride home(Duluth,MN) -- she don't got the stamina for sitting on a bus for several hours.
and we're not sure how we're getting to the cities from Duluth either, but there are many possibilities on the table for that.
once we're in the cities, dunno quite how we're getting to downtown st. paul-- city bus, most likely... but we won't be heading home till sometime late at night...
cab, probably.
gonna see Flogging Molly though! hopefully have a pint or 2 or some whiskey w/ Dave and Bridget and Dennis and the rest!! Good times! :)
must go forth from the computer and find breakfast!!
7.06.2005
Hello again Internet.
today is wednesday. the sixth of july. usual headache and melancholy, maybe better reasons.... blah blah blah
last weekend, fourth of july weekend, pretty lacklustre... okay, i did check out a couple shows, but i can't even remember what... oh, an interesting band from Japan played in the Entry on Saturday. Orange Milk from the Green Planet or somesuch... they were alright.
Monday I hung out with some friends and we were going to do some cool shit, but my dumb drunk ass managed to get seperated from them as we were heading over to the Soap Factory... I ended up wondering around kinda lost(I wouldn't have been lost had I been less drunk/stupid, I had the address of the gallery in my pocket) for a couple hours then heading home... Probably for the best though, apparently I was being really obnoxious and grabbed my friend's hot boyfriend's crotch a couple times... Ack. The wayl she tells the tale is pretty funny, and being that I was quite drunk I was forgiven, but still... quite embarassed.
Here's a partial acct. of previous weekend and other stuff in my life from a posting of mine on another site, somewhat re-edited:
"DwI taping was awesome(that was the sunday before last now, or something like that, I don't even fucking remember anymore), as it generally is. Caught part of the Pride parade Sunday, but was busy wrangling cable whilst DwI host did some on the street interviews. Fun, but didn't actually catch alot of the parade.
Awesomest thing Sunday night/Monday morning... okay, mixed sort-of. Got kicked out of a party(sort-of... not going into it here, yo) but ended up hanging out with this sweet guy I have a crush on. We listened to records (anyone heard of the Virgin Prunes, they're awesome! Buying a cd as soon as I got the dough...) and hung out... smoked too many of his cigarettes, had good time(no, not that kind of good time, said fellow and I are just pals)...
Bad shit too... found out Tuesday that my Mom, who's been battling(and winning) ovarian cancer for the second time (since around Januray, the first time was about 3-4 years ago) just found a small tumor in her breast. It sounds like she'll be having a double mastectomy as soon as it can be set up, she's got doc appts towards the end of next week. I'm trying to figure out how to go there for a couple weeks and make sure I can pay rent in August. I was just trying to find a shity job to work till school starts in a coupla months, but since I'll be leaving town in a week or so...
It actually doesn't sound that bad for Mom, though she's really sick of dealing with this shit... she lost her Mom to cancer when she was 12 and one of her sisters 3 years ago, as well as a close friend. And she's seen other friends and family suffer from it. She's hella tough though, and I am sure she'll make it through okay.
And of course this has me thinking about my own health. I'm 27 and cancer seems to be hitting the females in my family younger and younger. I'm kinda freaked out. I'm nowhere near as tough as Mom and I'm already somewhat unhealthy, broke, and such. Damn. And it really seems hella likely I will have to deal with this, quite probably in the next 5 years...
I should quit smoking, exercise, eat better, etc. But I can't help thinking, fuck it. If I die, I die. I mean... It just seems really likely to my mind that I am gonna die from this shit anyway so what's the point in putting too much work into living? "
yeah, so that's a week or so old now. time is passing in strange ways for me lately and I've spent too much time sleeping and/or being angry and depressed.
this weekend looks alright, some good shows, hopefully I can stretch my moneys so I can see most of 'em. Maybe win guestlist spots from good 'ol Radio K.
heading to Duluth soon to hang out with Mom, having problems figuring out what to do for funds since it kinda puts a kabosh on my plan to find a crappy job quick. I'll sell some miscellany on ebay or something.
slowing down on the drinking thing, just seems smart. and I'm on a short term med that apparently will interact with alcohol to make me nauseous so for the next 7 days I have little choice...
okay, i'm hungry and sick of internet. later peeps.
last weekend, fourth of july weekend, pretty lacklustre... okay, i did check out a couple shows, but i can't even remember what... oh, an interesting band from Japan played in the Entry on Saturday. Orange Milk from the Green Planet or somesuch... they were alright.
Monday I hung out with some friends and we were going to do some cool shit, but my dumb drunk ass managed to get seperated from them as we were heading over to the Soap Factory... I ended up wondering around kinda lost(I wouldn't have been lost had I been less drunk/stupid, I had the address of the gallery in my pocket) for a couple hours then heading home... Probably for the best though, apparently I was being really obnoxious and grabbed my friend's hot boyfriend's crotch a couple times... Ack. The wayl she tells the tale is pretty funny, and being that I was quite drunk I was forgiven, but still... quite embarassed.
Here's a partial acct. of previous weekend and other stuff in my life from a posting of mine on another site, somewhat re-edited:
"DwI taping was awesome(that was the sunday before last now, or something like that, I don't even fucking remember anymore), as it generally is. Caught part of the Pride parade Sunday, but was busy wrangling cable whilst DwI host did some on the street interviews. Fun, but didn't actually catch alot of the parade.
Awesomest thing Sunday night/Monday morning... okay, mixed sort-of. Got kicked out of a party(sort-of... not going into it here, yo) but ended up hanging out with this sweet guy I have a crush on. We listened to records (anyone heard of the Virgin Prunes, they're awesome! Buying a cd as soon as I got the dough...) and hung out... smoked too many of his cigarettes, had good time(no, not that kind of good time, said fellow and I are just pals)...
Bad shit too... found out Tuesday that my Mom, who's been battling(and winning) ovarian cancer for the second time (since around Januray, the first time was about 3-4 years ago) just found a small tumor in her breast. It sounds like she'll be having a double mastectomy as soon as it can be set up, she's got doc appts towards the end of next week. I'm trying to figure out how to go there for a couple weeks and make sure I can pay rent in August. I was just trying to find a shity job to work till school starts in a coupla months, but since I'll be leaving town in a week or so...
It actually doesn't sound that bad for Mom, though she's really sick of dealing with this shit... she lost her Mom to cancer when she was 12 and one of her sisters 3 years ago, as well as a close friend. And she's seen other friends and family suffer from it. She's hella tough though, and I am sure she'll make it through okay.
And of course this has me thinking about my own health. I'm 27 and cancer seems to be hitting the females in my family younger and younger. I'm kinda freaked out. I'm nowhere near as tough as Mom and I'm already somewhat unhealthy, broke, and such. Damn. And it really seems hella likely I will have to deal with this, quite probably in the next 5 years...
I should quit smoking, exercise, eat better, etc. But I can't help thinking, fuck it. If I die, I die. I mean... It just seems really likely to my mind that I am gonna die from this shit anyway so what's the point in putting too much work into living? "
yeah, so that's a week or so old now. time is passing in strange ways for me lately and I've spent too much time sleeping and/or being angry and depressed.
this weekend looks alright, some good shows, hopefully I can stretch my moneys so I can see most of 'em. Maybe win guestlist spots from good 'ol Radio K.
heading to Duluth soon to hang out with Mom, having problems figuring out what to do for funds since it kinda puts a kabosh on my plan to find a crappy job quick. I'll sell some miscellany on ebay or something.
slowing down on the drinking thing, just seems smart. and I'm on a short term med that apparently will interact with alcohol to make me nauseous so for the next 7 days I have little choice...
okay, i'm hungry and sick of internet. later peeps.
6.18.2005
fatigue and shit
well, i don't have much to say really. i find myself getting bored of the blogging thing sort of since there's no-one to read it and fawn over my eloquent and exciting musings on life, the universe, and everything. well i'm aware that my comments here probably just aren't that noteworthy... well, until i figure out something more interesting to do with this blog so peeps read it, or some way to promote it so peeps read it, or something... well... i probably just won't post much. whatever. sigh...
i reread this after posting and noted i said well like half a dozen times at least. but fuck, why fix it? i wish this thing had emoticons. i don't know what to type in to look like eye rolling.
i reread this after posting and noted i said well like half a dozen times at least. but fuck, why fix it? i wish this thing had emoticons. i don't know what to type in to look like eye rolling.
6.01.2005
blah blah quack quack
morning morning greetingz and salutationz. finally listening to Killing Joke some more, and they deserve even further listening. good stuff. though a glance at there website just informed me they are touring in the uk with motley crue. dunno what to make of that. erm, interesting. yeah. melikes ol' motley crue but... hmm...
so anyway hi! today is wednesday. i am going to sell my plasma today. i was going to sell my plasma yesterday but got distracted by exciting wonders of technology. i am eversofortunate, taking this excellent sound art class(scroll down, i mentioned it in previous entry), learning software for messing with sound! very cool! yeah, so far just peak and audacity (free! check it out!) but that's damn cool. and using minidisk recorders. also cool. now i want a minidisk recorder!
after having a bunch of blood sucked out, churned around, having the plasma extracted from it, and than being pumped back in mixed with cold frickin' saline solution... well of course my day can only go up at that point and indeed, it shall! cuz then I have spoken word poetry class! dunno if i mentioned that one yet. fun!
so, yeah. screw prozac dudes. just need whiskey and the word... no not that word... if i'm ever sayin' i found jesus and i ain't talking about a cute skinny guy with long hair, bleeding hands, dreamy eyes, and one hopes a big dick; well... find me and put me out of my misery please. ack. so yeah... words, language. yup. bitchin'
language and sound. and then I get a couple months of photography! yay summer!
hopefully financial aid won't cut me off for nxt academic year cuz I got even more fun lined up(not to mention that after I finish nxt year I'm finally frickin' graduating!!)-- electronic music. advanced video(even more advanced than the advanced video I've taken 3 times already). more Japanese literature and Japanese history. yeah. might end up switchin' some of that up but the first two are pretty definite and will totally rock of course most definitely!
i need to update the linx to the left damn it to hell... one of these frickin' days.
i can't believe it's already wednesday. that monday holiday threw the week off... but i got to stay home. and clean... woo.
i'm not sure about the Killing Joke. def. need to check out more but of what I got some is excellent and some is seeming kinda repetitive. methinks i am gonna switch to some good ol' faint, always a pick-me-up. missed their recent shows at first ave. sad. but had school busy-ness. oh well.
the blood brothers are coming soon. should be good, planning to attend. hmmm... yep. sure there are more shows i am hoping to be in attendance at but nothing else is popping into me grey matter at this very very moment.
did i mention the open mic yet? went to this awesome open mic w/ my poetry class thursday! for any poetry readin' peeps out there it's at Mapps Cafe in the West Bank area kinda across Riverside from Hard Times Cafe. i know Hard Times address is 1821 Riverside... it's free, 7:30-9:30, all ages welcome, and hella fun environment. i plan on attending regularly. not going this thursday but next week my class is going to go for the last day of class and our instructor wants everyone to get on the mic.
hmm... now i'm listening to the faint. but i am thinking it's time to start playing with sound again. convolving some shit! yomp! woo!
my squirrel poem
fuzzy grey furred lil' squirrel motherfucker
darting to and fro
nosing about
like a crack-addled
street rat
looking for a nut
to crack
stay away from me mr. squirrel!
I'm already cracked-up enough!
;)
5.24.2005
millinery
i'm in love w/ myself, i like the dark...
i am discovering a sudden overabundance of self-esteem... sort of. more on this tomorrow, bed soon...
did i mention i quit that danged prizzac? it happened by chance accident... i got sick for a couple days and didn't dose cuz of puking, and found myself feeling more clear-headed and focused, which was independently confirmed by my roommate's impressions of me... thusly i decided that experiment is over and done and i shall move on to more productive things like taking care of the shit i need to take care of, doing stuff, eating better, and exercising more... and, yeah, i am cuttin' down on my drinking. sad. i shall not quit, mind you. just try and use more goddamn sense...
must go sleep. night strangers whom i hope are enjoying my babble and idle chit-chat.
i am discovering a sudden overabundance of self-esteem... sort of. more on this tomorrow, bed soon...
did i mention i quit that danged prizzac? it happened by chance accident... i got sick for a couple days and didn't dose cuz of puking, and found myself feeling more clear-headed and focused, which was independently confirmed by my roommate's impressions of me... thusly i decided that experiment is over and done and i shall move on to more productive things like taking care of the shit i need to take care of, doing stuff, eating better, and exercising more... and, yeah, i am cuttin' down on my drinking. sad. i shall not quit, mind you. just try and use more goddamn sense...
must go sleep. night strangers whom i hope are enjoying my babble and idle chit-chat.
5.23.2005
hating and loving hugging and rubbing and punching blood and puke and stuff
so i haven't done much for a while here and i'm very sorry. if you bastards out there would read this thing and leave some comments, mayhap i would check in more often. i am beginning to think no one cares! it's so sad and lonely in the internets. blah blah blah.
so i finished last semester, sort of. and sort of okay. and sort of not as good as i shoulda. but it's mostly over. okay so i still have a ppr to do. kind instructor gave me incomplete and now i have to try and get the fucker done. alrighty.
i have very excitesome classes for this may session. three weeks of sound art and performance poetry/spoken word 101. bitchin' yah! hee-yah! woo-hoo!
in the spirit of sound art i shall share w/ you a discovery(prompted by my instructor, Abinadi Meza )
Iannis Xenakis
and here are some sites w/ mp3'z, yo: 2 at some asshat's blog, I found one here, and another long 'un o'er here @ his fan club site
check it, homiez, good shite!
recently I have attended kick-ass concerts featuring: Why?, Fog, Melt Banana, the Birthday Suit(or is it suits?), Deerhoof, Mindless Self Indulgence, Sole, Pedestrian, ... Um, I'm sure there are more, but skool has been hampering my able to go to shows so not so much as usual. I have intention of seeing the STNNNG this weekend at thee good ol' 7th St. Entry... possibly other exciting things.
music I have spent a lot of time listening to this past couple of weeks: STNNNG, Hymie's Basement(Why? and Andrew Broder of Fog together), Why?,Deerhoof, Circle Takes the Square
so i finished last semester, sort of. and sort of okay. and sort of not as good as i shoulda. but it's mostly over. okay so i still have a ppr to do. kind instructor gave me incomplete and now i have to try and get the fucker done. alrighty.
i have very excitesome classes for this may session. three weeks of sound art and performance poetry/spoken word 101. bitchin' yah! hee-yah! woo-hoo!
in the spirit of sound art i shall share w/ you a discovery(prompted by my instructor, Abinadi Meza )
Iannis Xenakis
and here are some sites w/ mp3'z, yo: 2 at some asshat's blog, I found one here, and another long 'un o'er here @ his fan club site
check it, homiez, good shite!
recently I have attended kick-ass concerts featuring: Why?, Fog, Melt Banana, the Birthday Suit(or is it suits?), Deerhoof, Mindless Self Indulgence, Sole, Pedestrian, ... Um, I'm sure there are more, but skool has been hampering my able to go to shows so not so much as usual. I have intention of seeing the STNNNG this weekend at thee good ol' 7th St. Entry... possibly other exciting things.
music I have spent a lot of time listening to this past couple of weeks: STNNNG, Hymie's Basement(Why? and Andrew Broder of Fog together), Why?,Deerhoof, Circle Takes the Square
4.25.2005
lackadaisical
no idea. don't think it's helping. that prozac crap, i mean. or maybe i caught mono... i've been getting more sleepy and less concerned with getting stuff done then i used to be! what's up with that? is it me?
this is worrisome. i still have pprs to write! and prjx to do! horribles!
i seem to be having headaches more often too... but can't really tell if they have anything to do w/ prozac or maybe i should just be drinking more fluids...
frustrated.
this is worrisome. i still have pprs to write! and prjx to do! horribles!
i seem to be having headaches more often too... but can't really tell if they have anything to do w/ prozac or maybe i should just be drinking more fluids...
frustrated.
4.11.2005
aagh...
worth a try, eh? starting tomorrow. i think i shall try and keep this updated just to keep track in any changes in how i am feeling. should be interesting.
or should i just start smoking more pot?
well, i gots my brand new prescription in my pocket so i guess it's on.
yippy drugs. sigh. we'll see.
4.05.2005
my eye itches and i can barely breathe.
i'm sick. this sucks. i have important skoolworks due this very week, in 2 days even. i have barely if even at all began these assignments. this is not good. however if i live through this week, i have rowdy loud fun weekend to look forward too. yes indeed. thursday will be bringing a concert in st. paul featuring long standing Mpls. punk rock legends the ed gein fan club. friday i shall spend at the uptown bar in uptown minneapolis with Kontrol Panel and the Belles of Skin City. Saturday gets even more fabulous as I shall attend a TC Punk special bookclub meeting which will feature scrabble playing and barbecue! and after that, the STNNNG @ favorite local joint the 7th St. Entry (Entry and First Avenue being my favorite Mpls. club). They shall be performing in celebration of the release of a new album!
so all i have to do is not choke on my phlegm, finish a 15 page ppr, and a complicated interactive art project, and, woo!, then i can 'totes' party.
wish me luck!
oh, somebody buy this kid a puppy, it's her birthday. ;)
so all i have to do is not choke on my phlegm, finish a 15 page ppr, and a complicated interactive art project, and, woo!, then i can 'totes' party.
wish me luck!
oh, somebody buy this kid a puppy, it's her birthday. ;)
3.28.2005
look i had such an exciting f*ckn' weekend!
i have a headache and a fair amount of irritation with well... stuff... people, they are frustrating.
i was going to have a very short post saying i'm too busy for this stuff, but now i have the urge to tell all you netizens salivating in anticipation of my next blog update that i saw motorhead on wednesday and they were really good. what else..., um, i did something thursday i think but i don't remember what. friday saw me getting much too intoxicated at a really fun house party where despite said intoxication i didn't socialize nearly enough because even when drunk i'm often too self conscious... i could wax on this melancholy point but i shan't... saturday i saw the fuck yeahs, the international playboys, gee as in jesus, the mighty mofos, and the midnight evils for whom it was their cd release show. that was pretty awesome, i am esp. fond of gee as in jesus. easter sunday i hung out w/ friends. played battleship, watched the brady bunch, ate pizza, watched carnivale season finale, and some other television programs that i don't usually get to see 'cuz i don't gots cable/satellite...
interesting, eh? now i have to go do important school related things. or just get drunk. or some combination of those, somehow combined w/ enjoying the lovely weather we are having here in Minneapolis today. it's Spring. i could almost feel better about life, what with the aide of sunshine and perhaps soon some dandelions. we'll see.
i was going to have a very short post saying i'm too busy for this stuff, but now i have the urge to tell all you netizens salivating in anticipation of my next blog update that i saw motorhead on wednesday and they were really good. what else..., um, i did something thursday i think but i don't remember what. friday saw me getting much too intoxicated at a really fun house party where despite said intoxication i didn't socialize nearly enough because even when drunk i'm often too self conscious... i could wax on this melancholy point but i shan't... saturday i saw the fuck yeahs, the international playboys, gee as in jesus, the mighty mofos, and the midnight evils for whom it was their cd release show. that was pretty awesome, i am esp. fond of gee as in jesus. easter sunday i hung out w/ friends. played battleship, watched the brady bunch, ate pizza, watched carnivale season finale, and some other television programs that i don't usually get to see 'cuz i don't gots cable/satellite...
interesting, eh? now i have to go do important school related things. or just get drunk. or some combination of those, somehow combined w/ enjoying the lovely weather we are having here in Minneapolis today. it's Spring. i could almost feel better about life, what with the aide of sunshine and perhaps soon some dandelions. we'll see.
3.22.2005
me head pains me so
this isn't the first time i have posted whining about head pains. nor needing to empty bladder, nor being hungry.
oh well, all those things happen to be true. as well as, once again, being thirsty also.
but anyway, i was in Duluth over spring break. visited Mom, had awesome time. highlights included visiting Uncle and watching him do woodworking(amd Mom built a birdhouse w/ him), hanging with my younger cousins that are moving soon(and have spent most of their lives in places other then MN), playing scrabble with Mom and nearly hitting 500 points... and i guess that's hit for the special highlights. there was other stuff too.
oh well, all those things happen to be true. as well as, once again, being thirsty also.
but anyway, i was in Duluth over spring break. visited Mom, had awesome time. highlights included visiting Uncle and watching him do woodworking(amd Mom built a birdhouse w/ him), hanging with my younger cousins that are moving soon(and have spent most of their lives in places other then MN), playing scrabble with Mom and nearly hitting 500 points... and i guess that's hit for the special highlights. there was other stuff too.
3.12.2005
things forgotten in the earlier post...
yes another post today. a couple things i meant to include earlier, but they can have their own post.
after Surdyk's, I went to Bibelot shop. good and bad, there. they carry a some stuff from a product line called "Miso Pretty" featuring wonky "cute" Asian stereotype wonky English and imagery in their packaging. Kinda bugged me. I mean, I'll go to Asian groceries and often enjoy fractured English when I see it(I am also know to peruse Engrish.com, though it annoys me when they try and make up Engrish-y sounding stuff themselves for products or just to try and be humorous), purposely making up fractured cutesy English to sell a product(and to make it appear trendy/hip) turns me off.
I also discovered the artist Brian Andreas, they carry his Storypeople greeting cards there. I am not sure I like the art itself so much, but I really like his little "stories". Click here and explore his site and you'll see what I mean.
Another recent discovery that has brought me enjoyment is the Japanese poet, Shuntarou Tanikawa. I happened upon a book of his work entitled, At Midnight in the Kitchen I Just Wanted to Talk to You, while I was trying to find some Japanese fiction to base a paper for my Japanese Minority Literature class on.
Here's a poem of his from that book:
after Surdyk's, I went to Bibelot shop. good and bad, there. they carry a some stuff from a product line called "Miso Pretty" featuring wonky "cute" Asian stereotype wonky English and imagery in their packaging. Kinda bugged me. I mean, I'll go to Asian groceries and often enjoy fractured English when I see it(I am also know to peruse Engrish.com, though it annoys me when they try and make up Engrish-y sounding stuff themselves for products or just to try and be humorous), purposely making up fractured cutesy English to sell a product(and to make it appear trendy/hip) turns me off.
I also discovered the artist Brian Andreas, they carry his Storypeople greeting cards there. I am not sure I like the art itself so much, but I really like his little "stories". Click here and explore his site and you'll see what I mean.
Another recent discovery that has brought me enjoyment is the Japanese poet, Shuntarou Tanikawa. I happened upon a book of his work entitled, At Midnight in the Kitchen I Just Wanted to Talk to You, while I was trying to find some Japanese fiction to base a paper for my Japanese Minority Literature class on.
Here's a poem of his from that book:
"My Favorite Things"
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
Brown paper packages tied up with strings-
These are a few of my favorite things."
Oskar Hammerstein II
No matter how much
I like a thing
actually owning it
somewhat bores me.
And no matter how much
I like that thing
notowning it
makes me somewhat resentful of it.
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
..."
Poor Oskar.
Your forced rhymes
sound just awful.
Sometimes even the soul is flatulent.
I want a drink of water;
I'm very thirsty.
Half a cup isn't enough; a hundred would drown me.
I like water.
cheese is good!
hi! it's saturday, it's spring break, woo!
i bought cheeses today at Surdyk's! it is a liquor store w/ a cheese shop. it rocks! the staff are helpful, patient, and nice and let you taste test cheeses! this poor young women put up with having to unwrap at least 6 different types of cheese for me to try. i wish i had more money. i ended up with mini-slabs of sottonocere w/ truffle, cave aged gruyere, aged prima donna gouda, red leicester w/ wasabi and french onion, and 1/2 lb of cheap dill havarti for sandwiches. the rest will be for snacking.
last night i went to see the Belles of Skin City, Mel Gibson and the Pants, and the Blind Shake (also the Drama Club, but I missed their set) in the 7th St. Entry. Awesome! esp. B. of S.C.! I am not so good at describing musics, but they kinda remind me of Tom Waits... I've heard at least one of them used to be in a band called Kentucky Gag Order(found mp3 here!), unfortunately I never saw/heard them while they were around. Planning on finding out more about 'em though. MG&P have a song about Ed Gein that I really like... can't recall alot of lyric offhand but a line of the chorus that sticks in my head is "Wisconsin'll make you feel fear, boy". They didn't play it last night though :( . They have a c.d. avbl... I guess they're kind of hip hop/electronica, the mc has a really good style/flow in my opinion.
thursday night was the aseverawesome Flogging Molly show @ First Ave. sweat covered mosh pit mania. My Mom wasn't able to come though, she was too worn out from the four days of chemo treatments. :( My bro and his housemate ended up coming from WI and a friend joined me, so all tix still got used. we made a video tape for mom, getting all the band members to say hi. I got to get on transferring the video(it's actually on mini dv tape) to the computer so I can put in a format she can watch, and mail it to her. and Flogging Molly will be back in August to play a free Irish festival in St. Paul!!! Mom'll definitely be feeling better by then! :) I enjoyed Hot Water Music too, and the little bit I caught of the Riverboat Gamblers set.
there are a fair amt. of shows coming up i'm excited about, i think i'll post a lil' list one of these days. i been listening to Deerhoof a lot over the last couple days and they are coming, nxt month I think.
i bought cheeses today at Surdyk's! it is a liquor store w/ a cheese shop. it rocks! the staff are helpful, patient, and nice and let you taste test cheeses! this poor young women put up with having to unwrap at least 6 different types of cheese for me to try. i wish i had more money. i ended up with mini-slabs of sottonocere w/ truffle, cave aged gruyere, aged prima donna gouda, red leicester w/ wasabi and french onion, and 1/2 lb of cheap dill havarti for sandwiches. the rest will be for snacking.
last night i went to see the Belles of Skin City, Mel Gibson and the Pants, and the Blind Shake (also the Drama Club, but I missed their set) in the 7th St. Entry. Awesome! esp. B. of S.C.! I am not so good at describing musics, but they kinda remind me of Tom Waits... I've heard at least one of them used to be in a band called Kentucky Gag Order(found mp3 here!), unfortunately I never saw/heard them while they were around. Planning on finding out more about 'em though. MG&P have a song about Ed Gein that I really like... can't recall alot of lyric offhand but a line of the chorus that sticks in my head is "Wisconsin'll make you feel fear, boy". They didn't play it last night though :( . They have a c.d. avbl... I guess they're kind of hip hop/electronica, the mc has a really good style/flow in my opinion.
thursday night was the aseverawesome Flogging Molly show @ First Ave. sweat covered mosh pit mania. My Mom wasn't able to come though, she was too worn out from the four days of chemo treatments. :( My bro and his housemate ended up coming from WI and a friend joined me, so all tix still got used. we made a video tape for mom, getting all the band members to say hi. I got to get on transferring the video(it's actually on mini dv tape) to the computer so I can put in a format she can watch, and mail it to her. and Flogging Molly will be back in August to play a free Irish festival in St. Paul!!! Mom'll definitely be feeling better by then! :) I enjoyed Hot Water Music too, and the little bit I caught of the Riverboat Gamblers set.
there are a fair amt. of shows coming up i'm excited about, i think i'll post a lil' list one of these days. i been listening to Deerhoof a lot over the last couple days and they are coming, nxt month I think.
3.08.2005
jesus doesn't want me for a sunbeam
i'm the jackass eating spicy pumpkin seeds in the computer lab
hungry all i ever talk about is food.
my lips are tingling from the spicy stuff on the spicy seeds.
i could really use a beer.
i need to see a dentist.
i am very excited for flogging molly on thursday, did i say that yet?
i have too much skoolwwerk. ack...
jesus fuck.
this has been somewhat of an html formatting experiment. my apologies most sincerely for the lack of content.
if you want to read somehing truly interesting try this
3.07.2005
sun, sundaes, colddays, sunshine, and miscellaneous unpleasant whirlwinds of confused emotional states. and teevee shootings.
rar. last night i taped(do note, there were many others more involved that put together this show, i was just a monkey behind a camera) a drinking with ian show. 3 of them... with a video camera... had good time. ankle tired from standing in front of camera. remained sober throughout despite many free shots, for fear such things would affect my camera skills. which kinda blow anyway... woo. it's on public access, i ain't but watched it on tv maybe once, cuz i don't gots the cable teevee. but channel 6 thursday nights 12:30 is what i believe to be the correct infos. do check out website, tis on there, and also a couple of episodes are downloadable to watch on yer computer machine, if you've a fancy enough computer machine to handle.
so now i have this anticlimactic depression thing... cuz did something supercool and fun last night, that won't happen again for likely at least 3 months. and am mourning the passing of the event, i guess... like, that was cool, what do i do now? also just analyzing all that i did or didn't do/ how i did or didn't do it, etc, and thinking, gee, shoulda done this, shoulda done that better, this/that/the other thing was dumb of me, etc... what's my damned problem? ;)
i'll feel this way again after flogging molly show thursday i bet. Mom's coming down for it, on toppa four days of chemotherapy. Looking forward, most intensely. btw, Mom had ct scan and stuff last week and things are lookin' good. lesions on liver goin', tumors shrinkin'. :)
--
mood: wavering, bipolar, strange daze
listening: swans
eating: spicy pumpkin dry roasted seeds, sea salt and vinegar natural gourmet potato chips
craving: pork chops
drinking: water
craving: liquors, undecided what sort...
--
skool, what of it? i don't know!? pprz, argh. prjcts, argh... well half-argh.
need study video things better, cuz video things iz fun. teevee and art. yippee.
finally got the hang of properly wrapping cable last night! that's a good thing, yes.
finally met fellow blogger Maria/Traz- here's a shoutout to ya homie! even hotter in person then in yer pic! ;)
so now i have this anticlimactic depression thing... cuz did something supercool and fun last night, that won't happen again for likely at least 3 months. and am mourning the passing of the event, i guess... like, that was cool, what do i do now? also just analyzing all that i did or didn't do/ how i did or didn't do it, etc, and thinking, gee, shoulda done this, shoulda done that better, this/that/the other thing was dumb of me, etc... what's my damned problem? ;)
i'll feel this way again after flogging molly show thursday i bet. Mom's coming down for it, on toppa four days of chemotherapy. Looking forward, most intensely. btw, Mom had ct scan and stuff last week and things are lookin' good. lesions on liver goin', tumors shrinkin'. :)
--
mood: wavering, bipolar, strange daze
listening: swans
eating: spicy pumpkin dry roasted seeds, sea salt and vinegar natural gourmet potato chips
craving: pork chops
drinking: water
craving: liquors, undecided what sort...
--
skool, what of it? i don't know!? pprz, argh. prjcts, argh... well half-argh.
need study video things better, cuz video things iz fun. teevee and art. yippee.
finally got the hang of properly wrapping cable last night! that's a good thing, yes.
finally met fellow blogger Maria/Traz- here's a shoutout to ya homie! even hotter in person then in yer pic! ;)
2.26.2005
what da fuck?
agh. aaagh. i forgot what i wanted to post. i had a sense of purpose, like i was gonna post something important. but i forgot! shit. maybe it's the brain damage from all the liquor i imbibed last night. and thursday night too. i gots lotsa drunk this past week. shit. i'm hungover. i'm drinking ginseng cola and eating sushi. that's nice. it is helping me to feel better.
i still ain't sent instructor that ppr outline i was supposed to do by yesterday. i'm a horrible person. horribles.
i need to learn me some more of html language. then i could, like, have indentations and shit. fancy.
well...maybe i'll think of the super duper incredible thing i was gonna post after i go empty my bladder. we'll see. keep your eyes on this webpage folks!
i still ain't sent instructor that ppr outline i was supposed to do by yesterday. i'm a horrible person. horribles.
i need to learn me some more of html language. then i could, like, have indentations and shit. fancy.
well...maybe i'll think of the super duper incredible thing i was gonna post after i go empty my bladder. we'll see. keep your eyes on this webpage folks!
hell is a breaking loose...
"walls start closing in around you my twins of evil they shake you by the collarbone then snap your ribcage and broken bodies in a death rock dance hall please be my partner eyeballs pop, accellerated blood beat veins `a' shaking and all hell breaks loose yea, evil is as evil does and who yea, who but me could write this book of cruel i send my murdergram to all these monster kids it comes right back to me and it's signed in there parents' blood and all hell breaks loose yea, my heart is a-breaking loose yea, my whole world's breaking loose yea, and evil is as does and who yea, but who but me could write this book of cruel i send my mudergram to all these monster kids it comes right back to me and it's signed in there parents blood and broken bodies in a death rock dance hall please be my partner and eyeballs pop, accellerated blood beat veins a-shaking and all hell breaks loose yea, my heart is a-breaking loose yea, my whole world's breaking loose yea, evil is as evil does and who yea, but who but me could write this book of cruel i said my whole world's breaking loose yea, my whole world's breaking loose yea, my whole world's breaking loose yea, my whole world's breaking all hell breaks loose"
"i hack the heads off little girls and put'em on my wall.
i want your skull!
i need your skull!"
"i hack the heads off little girls and put'em on my wall.
i want your skull!
i need your skull!"
2.25.2005
gosh damn shit fuck dude.
yes, i am still fucking about on this bloody machine... just perusing past posts and realizing that, indeed, all i really do here is whine. and waste time. blah blah, got project/skoolwerk due, don't feel like doing it, rather be drinking, i have a headache, i'm hungry.
holy facking shite. i gots to find something else to do here. heh. another common thread... should be doing more productive things! doomed, i am. yeah.
holy facking shite. i gots to find something else to do here. heh. another common thread... should be doing more productive things! doomed, i am. yeah.
boring bored boredom
la la la lightbulb. eh eh eh eh eskimos. i want buttery baked potatoes. i want whiskey. now. dammit.
i should be working on my
paper.
actually it's only at outline. that's it. i had a week to write up a shitty frickin' intro and outline for a paper naught due till the third damned week of march. and i didn't get it done. and i've been sitting in front of this gol'darned 'puter machine mucking about in photoshop, which is fun after all, and still ain't done the damned intro and outline. which was due at four p.m. That was about three hours ago, folks. should i quit skool yet?
bombing the fuck out of this semester. sort of. i mean it's still early, it can be saved. been drinking and carousing too much. spending money in unnecessarry ways and time also. wasting it shamelessly. okay, i'm ashamed, actually. giving myself hangovers that have made difficulties with class attendence. that ain't good, right? still, i can see i been having some fun. just gotta slow down and smell, erm, do the homework. yes.
my throat hurts. did i mention i have also been smoking far too many cigarettes far too often? need do quit soon. march will make me anyway-- smoking ban, and i do most of my hardcore smoking at da club, thusly this will force me to stop. b/c freezing outside for a cigarette is silly. yep.
okay. so i should stop fucking about on this here interweb and do do do my damn-ed damned skool shite. alrighty. later, kids.
i should be working on my
paper.
actually it's only at outline. that's it. i had a week to write up a shitty frickin' intro and outline for a paper naught due till the third damned week of march. and i didn't get it done. and i've been sitting in front of this gol'darned 'puter machine mucking about in photoshop, which is fun after all, and still ain't done the damned intro and outline. which was due at four p.m. That was about three hours ago, folks. should i quit skool yet?
bombing the fuck out of this semester. sort of. i mean it's still early, it can be saved. been drinking and carousing too much. spending money in unnecessarry ways and time also. wasting it shamelessly. okay, i'm ashamed, actually. giving myself hangovers that have made difficulties with class attendence. that ain't good, right? still, i can see i been having some fun. just gotta slow down and smell, erm, do the homework. yes.
my throat hurts. did i mention i have also been smoking far too many cigarettes far too often? need do quit soon. march will make me anyway-- smoking ban, and i do most of my hardcore smoking at da club, thusly this will force me to stop. b/c freezing outside for a cigarette is silly. yep.
okay. so i should stop fucking about on this here interweb and do do do my damn-ed damned skool shite. alrighty. later, kids.
2.14.2005
who cares?
i don't know why i'm posting. i'm thinking i need dinner, and have to pee, and am thirsty, and have a headache... and i'm supposed to be making something for a class, which is due tomorrow and has barely been started. yay. so all the above and i feel angry and depressed and lonely too. not because it's valentine's day... just cuz i don't have a lot of friends and i'm pissed about the project i'm supposed to be doing. and that hungry thing. sigh. i should go now. i think i am going to get food at nearby cooperative grocery or hard times mayhaps, and then stop at bar thereabouts and try some liquid therapy... yeah... and that'll just make me wanna sleep and i'll get pissed more about all this and give up and go home. yawn. maybe post more later. still as ever pissed that i have little to no readership. but other peeps got cooler shit to say then i... i'm just whining all the damn time.
2.11.2005
headachehaveitoo,andothermyriadproblems...
morning. i'm tired. i ain't gone to bed yet since yesterday afternoon. see, i slept most of yesterday. weren't feeling so good. don't feel too great now. that's because i been up all night though. and i could use me some delicious breakfast of some kind or other. i should soon go home from this computer lab where i have been sitting for far too long, surfing and downloading music from emusic. i am too tired to make link.
i have issues i have to try and concern myself harder with thinking regarding... like homework and getting to my classes- preferably on-time as well as of course actually making it there at all. sleeping during yesterday, missed three classes! this is not so good. and i have papers to think about, and interactive art prjkt that needs creating-prototype due tuesday, and lotsa reading i am not caught up with, and finding collaboration prtnr for nxt collaboration in my interdisciplinary collaborations class. this will be hard. i am not good at such a thing as approaching ppl to do this, and also do not know who i want to work with. first collaboration assigned partners by random, went well. was happy with what we made, which was a video involving a cellphone, paint, fire, and a hatchet. it was hella cool, dude. yup.
so yeah. i need to homeward head, yes. to sleepward head, yup. that's the plan. mayhap... or i might just stay up. but either way first thing i need to do before doing other things is go home and hop into my shower and scrub myself well with good smelling soap. then i shall decide how i would like to proceed with the rest of my friday. tomorrow is saturday. tomorrow i am going to First Avenue to see the band Low. they are from duluth and i am too... sort of. actually, i am from superior, wi which is just a coupla minutes over lake superior from duluth, mn. good enough. i was at, i think, their very first show. still have flyer someplace, i think. cool.
i have to go now. thank you for your time. have pleasant day and following weekend and life in general. talk to you again soon, hope. be well.
i have issues i have to try and concern myself harder with thinking regarding... like homework and getting to my classes- preferably on-time as well as of course actually making it there at all. sleeping during yesterday, missed three classes! this is not so good. and i have papers to think about, and interactive art prjkt that needs creating-prototype due tuesday, and lotsa reading i am not caught up with, and finding collaboration prtnr for nxt collaboration in my interdisciplinary collaborations class. this will be hard. i am not good at such a thing as approaching ppl to do this, and also do not know who i want to work with. first collaboration assigned partners by random, went well. was happy with what we made, which was a video involving a cellphone, paint, fire, and a hatchet. it was hella cool, dude. yup.
so yeah. i need to homeward head, yes. to sleepward head, yup. that's the plan. mayhap... or i might just stay up. but either way first thing i need to do before doing other things is go home and hop into my shower and scrub myself well with good smelling soap. then i shall decide how i would like to proceed with the rest of my friday. tomorrow is saturday. tomorrow i am going to First Avenue to see the band Low. they are from duluth and i am too... sort of. actually, i am from superior, wi which is just a coupla minutes over lake superior from duluth, mn. good enough. i was at, i think, their very first show. still have flyer someplace, i think. cool.
i have to go now. thank you for your time. have pleasant day and following weekend and life in general. talk to you again soon, hope. be well.
2.01.2005
too busy for internet.... argh
the fun will begin again here soon, i promise... just got to get into the swing of things with this new semester and all. benefit for Mom over the weekend went great, she got some moneys which will help greatly as her disability benefits run out in a couple of weeks.
i have been mysteriously depressed for a few days or so... well it's not too much of a mystery- i gots a lot of stuff i need to take care of that i have been dropping the ball on, i'm lonely, there's a guy i really have a serious crush on who is not interested in me, and there's a history of cancer in my family. argh. not to mention i'm thousands of dollars in debt, have bad cavities, and even if i manage to graduate from my college my gpa's shite and it's not likely i am studying stuff that will get me a job. sigh. oh, and i have heartburn right now. and a headache. to be honest, i'm a little hung-over. and i have class in five minutes so i have to go now. thanx for listening... erm... reading, yeah.
i have been mysteriously depressed for a few days or so... well it's not too much of a mystery- i gots a lot of stuff i need to take care of that i have been dropping the ball on, i'm lonely, there's a guy i really have a serious crush on who is not interested in me, and there's a history of cancer in my family. argh. not to mention i'm thousands of dollars in debt, have bad cavities, and even if i manage to graduate from my college my gpa's shite and it's not likely i am studying stuff that will get me a job. sigh. oh, and i have heartburn right now. and a headache. to be honest, i'm a little hung-over. and i have class in five minutes so i have to go now. thanx for listening... erm... reading, yeah.
1.21.2005
four minute post
my bus will be here at nine oh three to take me to illustrious first avenue where i'll be checking out some bands in the 7th st. entry and drinking 2-4-1 drinks in the mainroom to the strains of hip-hop and dancehall reggae...
note on my previous mention of 1/29, the other reason we decided to have christmas that weekend is because my mom's main hangout, J.T.'s Bar and Grill in Superior, WI is having a benefit for her to help with medical expenses and such 1/29. although i doubt there's anyone looking at this blog who could actually consider going, it's sure to be a fun time. there will be games w/ prizes, a raffle, a silent auction; plus all you can eat sloppy joes and coney dogs for five bux! i am pretty sure it is from five pm to seven pm. yay! possibly more fund raising efforts to follow, to be determined... :)
note on my previous mention of 1/29, the other reason we decided to have christmas that weekend is because my mom's main hangout, J.T.'s Bar and Grill in Superior, WI is having a benefit for her to help with medical expenses and such 1/29. although i doubt there's anyone looking at this blog who could actually consider going, it's sure to be a fun time. there will be games w/ prizes, a raffle, a silent auction; plus all you can eat sloppy joes and coney dogs for five bux! i am pretty sure it is from five pm to seven pm. yay! possibly more fund raising efforts to follow, to be determined... :)
1.20.2005
back2skool
been back for a few days now, ain't had time fer postin'. don't got much now neither. will post more soon...
last few weeks were good, spent pleasant time with Mom and my brother. we moved x-mas to the weekend of 1/29 cuz we were all pretty broke. My Mom's health is way better. The new chemo regimen they have put her on had been working amazingly well. Her CA-125 levels have come down considerably. After her chemo treatments next week(she gets treatments 4 days in a row, every two weeks right now) her doc will have a ct scan done and that'll show how much the tumours have actually shrunk. She was here in Mpls. yesterday after seeing a specialist in Edina for a second opinion. The doctor she saw was really impressed with how well she is doing! After her appt. I met up with her and her buddy who drove her down at O'Donovan's(a great pub downtown by First Ave, excellent food!) and we hung out and talked for an hour or so. In March a favorite band of ours, Flogging Molly will be playing at First Ave and she'll be coming down for the show! We just saw them a couple of months ago there and had a hell of a good time, can't believe they are coming back so soon. I'll post the "Flogging Molly" story when I am not twenty minutes from a class...
School's going reasonably well so far, except for me needing to get serious about things- I've got more advanced electronic art classes but really don't feel I've accomplished much as an artist and, um, need to crack down and take it seriously I guess. Figure out what my goals are, what the heck I want to do and then actually follow through on doing things.
That's all for today, gots to get to my Contemporary Moral Problems class and it's on the other side of the Mississippi in fourteen minutes.
last few weeks were good, spent pleasant time with Mom and my brother. we moved x-mas to the weekend of 1/29 cuz we were all pretty broke. My Mom's health is way better. The new chemo regimen they have put her on had been working amazingly well. Her CA-125 levels have come down considerably. After her chemo treatments next week(she gets treatments 4 days in a row, every two weeks right now) her doc will have a ct scan done and that'll show how much the tumours have actually shrunk. She was here in Mpls. yesterday after seeing a specialist in Edina for a second opinion. The doctor she saw was really impressed with how well she is doing! After her appt. I met up with her and her buddy who drove her down at O'Donovan's(a great pub downtown by First Ave, excellent food!) and we hung out and talked for an hour or so. In March a favorite band of ours, Flogging Molly will be playing at First Ave and she'll be coming down for the show! We just saw them a couple of months ago there and had a hell of a good time, can't believe they are coming back so soon. I'll post the "Flogging Molly" story when I am not twenty minutes from a class...
School's going reasonably well so far, except for me needing to get serious about things- I've got more advanced electronic art classes but really don't feel I've accomplished much as an artist and, um, need to crack down and take it seriously I guess. Figure out what my goals are, what the heck I want to do and then actually follow through on doing things.
That's all for today, gots to get to my Contemporary Moral Problems class and it's on the other side of the Mississippi in fourteen minutes.
1.03.2005
greetings from duluth/superior
Hullo from the North Shore, dear and likely nonextistent readers... yeah... anyone there? Still don't seem to be any comments anywhere. Ain't had internet access thus far during my visit. Am posting from public library in "Sup-town".
Not much to report really. Hung out with my lil' brother mostly... blah. that's it gotta go... Sorry. Mayhaps I'll get to post again soon. till then, Happy Frickin' New Year's!! bub-bye.
Not much to report really. Hung out with my lil' brother mostly... blah. that's it gotta go... Sorry. Mayhaps I'll get to post again soon. till then, Happy Frickin' New Year's!! bub-bye.
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